Season Greetings from Wild Salmon Retreat!
What will the new year bring? What is/are my goals? What are your goals? My goal is to keep my mindspiritbody in balance, to reconnect them, and bring them in harmony. My scar from my masectomy - which I call harmony, will always remind me. This past year, chemo and radiation did their job; they tore me down. Now is the time for me to rebuild my strength - spiritually, mentally and physcially. I'm going to be kind to myself and I hope that you will be kind to yourself too.
Below I have listed the 6 principles of Naturopathy and my goal this year to is apply them as needed; i want 2010 to be a year that my cells will giggle and dance.
My class schedule for Winter quarter is Tues, Wed and Thurs. I will spend Fri - Monday in Puyallup. Monday and Friday mornings (9-1) I will be at Curves. I look forward to seeing all the smiling faces.
The practice of Naturopathic Medicine includes six underlying principles of healing. These are based on the observation of health and disease. This observation process involves the use of modern scientific methodologies and language.
The following principles make Naturopathic Medicine different from all other medical approaches:
First do no harm: Primum No Nocere
Illness is a purposeful process of the organism. The process of healing includes the generation of symptoms which are, in fact, an expression of the life force attempting to heal itself. Therapeutic actions should be complementary to and synergistic with this healing process. The physician's actions can support or antagonize the actions of the vis mediatrix naturae -- the healing power of Nature. Therefore, methods designed to suppress symptoms without removing the underlying causes are considered harmful and to be avoided or minimized.
The healing power of nature: Vis Mediatrix Naturae
The body has an inherent ability to establish, maintain, and restore health. The healing process is ordered and intelligent; nature heals through the response of the life force. The physician's role is to facilitate this process, to identify and remove obstacles to health and recovery, and to establish or restore a healthy internal and external environment.
Identify and treat the cause: Tolle Causam
Illness does not occur without cause. Underlying causes of disease must be discovered and removed or treated before a person can recover completely from illness. Symptoms express the body's attempt to heal, but are not the cause of disease. Symptoms, therefore, should not be suppressed by treatment. Causes may occur on many levels including physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The physician must evaluate fundamental underlying causes on all levels, directing treatment at root causes rather than at symptomatic expression.
Heal the whole person:Tolle Totum
Health and disease are conditions of the whole organism, a whole involving the complex interaction of many factors. The naturopathic physician must treat the whole person by taking these factors into account. The harmonious functioning of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects are essential to recovery from and prevention of disease. This requires a comprehensive approach to diagnosis and treatment.
The physician as teacher:Docere
A cooperative doctor-patient relationship has inherent therapeutic value. The physician's major role is to educate and encourage the patient to take responsibility for their own health. The physician is a catalyst for healthful change, empowering and motivating the patient to assume responsibility. It is the patient, not the doctor, who ultimately creates/accomplishes healing. Teaching with hope, knowledge, and understanding, the physician acts to enable patients to heal.
Prevention:Prevention is the best cureThe ultimate goal of any health care system should be prevention of disease. This is accomplished through education and promotion of life-habits that create good health. The physician learns to assess risk factors and to sharpen their deductive reasoning, and understand the patient's circumstances. Appropriate interventions are then sought to avoid
Monday, December 21, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Season Greetings
Its hard to believe that one year ago, November 24, I was diagnosed with breast cancer - where did the year go? It passed so fast just like the blink of an eye.
I just finished up Fall qtr. I was enrolled in two classes, but I ended up taking an incomplete in one. I just didn't have the energy or endurance to plow through. I learned some valuable lessons this quarter; the most important is to acknowlede that I presently have limitations, therefore it is important to pace myself. Do any of you have any idea how difficult that is? I'm sure you do. While my mind may say one thing, my body says something different. My goal is to bring both of them into alignment and find a balance.
Next qtr (Winter), I have decided to take classes that will build me up and contribute to my health. I call them fun classes - Foods and Herbs, and Hydrotherapy. I think both of these classes will nourish and heal my cells. My priorities have shifted - my health and my family is more important that school right now. My lighter load at school will allow me to work at Curves a couple hours/week while Theresa is on maternity leave.
I am going to be a grandma in about 6 weeks - I am so excited. About 4 weeks ago, I began a beginning knitting class. I am having so much fun knitting - it's all I want to do. I found some fabulous organic yarn at Fred Meyers in wonderful warm colors.
I hope you all are being kind to yourself - I sure am with each day. I've gotta keep my cells giggling.
I just finished up Fall qtr. I was enrolled in two classes, but I ended up taking an incomplete in one. I just didn't have the energy or endurance to plow through. I learned some valuable lessons this quarter; the most important is to acknowlede that I presently have limitations, therefore it is important to pace myself. Do any of you have any idea how difficult that is? I'm sure you do. While my mind may say one thing, my body says something different. My goal is to bring both of them into alignment and find a balance.
Next qtr (Winter), I have decided to take classes that will build me up and contribute to my health. I call them fun classes - Foods and Herbs, and Hydrotherapy. I think both of these classes will nourish and heal my cells. My priorities have shifted - my health and my family is more important that school right now. My lighter load at school will allow me to work at Curves a couple hours/week while Theresa is on maternity leave.
I am going to be a grandma in about 6 weeks - I am so excited. About 4 weeks ago, I began a beginning knitting class. I am having so much fun knitting - it's all I want to do. I found some fabulous organic yarn at Fred Meyers in wonderful warm colors.
I hope you all are being kind to yourself - I sure am with each day. I've gotta keep my cells giggling.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Wow - 2 blogs in one week.
Not much new from my last posting other than I've decided to privately document the ebb and flo of my emotions. I didn't find it terribly difficult to write about the antatomical changes, the physical side effects of treatment nor treatment itself, but in order to allow my emotions to be fluid, I need to be in a safe place - internet wouldn't fit that description.
For me, the time has come to deal with the loss of a breast, what it means to be a woman, and my own worthiness. I know that my hope and strength comes from God although I have forgotten that many times on this journey (climb). The beauty around and within me are is causing every cell in my body to giggle and dance. My cells have not giggled for sometime.
I was given a gift certificate from a fellow classmate, Satish, to the Chico Spa in Bremerton; Dr. Cathy Rogers, ND, has been in practice for 27 years - I consider her to be an elder in naturopathic medicine; much healing took place for me emotionally during my visit. The dry lymphatic brushing awoke my immune system, the sauna released toxins from my body, the healing herbs of the steam room soothed my lungs; with each sweat droplet, I envisioned the toxins (and emotions) releasing through my pours. I believe I made peace with my scar. In fact, I call my scar harmony. With harmony as my guide, I strive to keep my mind, body, and spirit in alignment.
The seaweed and herb bath was relaxing, detoxing and insightful. It was during this time that my cells began to giggle and dance. As I layed in this wonderful warm bath, it was the leaves of a tree -blowing gently in the wind - that amused me. The leaves looked like they were laughing. I mentioned this to Dr. Cathy and she said, "what does that experience mean to your body?" And with no hesitiation, I told her my cells were giggling and moving all about.
Well my side is bothering me, so time to relax on couch and put my arm up.
May your cells giggle and dance.
Love Debbie
Not much new from my last posting other than I've decided to privately document the ebb and flo of my emotions. I didn't find it terribly difficult to write about the antatomical changes, the physical side effects of treatment nor treatment itself, but in order to allow my emotions to be fluid, I need to be in a safe place - internet wouldn't fit that description.
For me, the time has come to deal with the loss of a breast, what it means to be a woman, and my own worthiness. I know that my hope and strength comes from God although I have forgotten that many times on this journey (climb). The beauty around and within me are is causing every cell in my body to giggle and dance. My cells have not giggled for sometime.
I was given a gift certificate from a fellow classmate, Satish, to the Chico Spa in Bremerton; Dr. Cathy Rogers, ND, has been in practice for 27 years - I consider her to be an elder in naturopathic medicine; much healing took place for me emotionally during my visit. The dry lymphatic brushing awoke my immune system, the sauna released toxins from my body, the healing herbs of the steam room soothed my lungs; with each sweat droplet, I envisioned the toxins (and emotions) releasing through my pours. I believe I made peace with my scar. In fact, I call my scar harmony. With harmony as my guide, I strive to keep my mind, body, and spirit in alignment.
The seaweed and herb bath was relaxing, detoxing and insightful. It was during this time that my cells began to giggle and dance. As I layed in this wonderful warm bath, it was the leaves of a tree -blowing gently in the wind - that amused me. The leaves looked like they were laughing. I mentioned this to Dr. Cathy and she said, "what does that experience mean to your body?" And with no hesitiation, I told her my cells were giggling and moving all about.
Well my side is bothering me, so time to relax on couch and put my arm up.
May your cells giggle and dance.
Love Debbie
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Where has all the time gone? I don't know if anyone is still out there reading my blog since my last writing (Aug 25th).
Following my infection from radiation (axillary region), then I got a UTI, then some type of virus. All in all it was about 6 weeks and my energy was zapped. Needless to say, these ailments emotionally and mentally knocked me down. It's apparant that I have some emotional healing to be done. For the 8.5 months of treatment, my emotions seemed to be mild then they rose to the surface and have been causing me all kind of havoc. Nor do I handle stress as well as I used to.
I'm in my 4th week of school and enjoying it thoroughly; I am taking two classes and that is perfect for me.
That's all for now.
Debbie
Following my infection from radiation (axillary region), then I got a UTI, then some type of virus. All in all it was about 6 weeks and my energy was zapped. Needless to say, these ailments emotionally and mentally knocked me down. It's apparant that I have some emotional healing to be done. For the 8.5 months of treatment, my emotions seemed to be mild then they rose to the surface and have been causing me all kind of havoc. Nor do I handle stress as well as I used to.
I'm in my 4th week of school and enjoying it thoroughly; I am taking two classes and that is perfect for me.
That's all for now.
Debbie
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Post Radiation Update
Hello,
Following radiation, my skin under my arm (axilla region) began to peel several layers down and became slightly infected. It was very raw and was not healing; but now, it is doing much better. Dr. Standish put a Medihoney dressing on it. Medihoney is used for moderately to heavy exuding wounds. After using it (2 dressings) for a week, my skin began to heal. It is still peeling, but there's no more rawness or sharp pain.
I'm in my last week of summer school. My plans are to go to the cabin Sept 2 & 3 and then camping for a few days with Mark, Janelle and her friend, Mike. I will be supporting Theresa on the 3 day Breast Cancer Walk in Seattle on Sept 11-13. I will see her off as she begins her 20 mile walk and I will be at there at the end of each day when she finishes. Sept 14-18, I will be going on a car camping road trip with Donna, Kristin and Linda Alva. We will be camping along the Olympic Peninsula. We will visit the Sequim spit and the Ho Rainforest. We may even camp on the beach if given the opportunity. Sept. 18-22, I will go to Texas to visit my dad. We plan to go to a rodeo together in El Paso.
While it looks like a busy month, I'll be sure to take my naps and use my energy wisely.
I've been taking turkey tail mushroom for 2 weeks now and I will continue until the study that I'm enrolled in is over. This particular mushroom has shown promising results in reducing the likelihood of prevention/reoccurence in China.
I was at Curves this past Saturday for our rummage sale. We raised approx $730; all of the proceeds will be going to the Susan G Komen breast cancer fund. It was so nice to give and receive hugs from my friends at Curves. I met some new friends while I was there also. The women tell me that they are still praying for me - that's awesome. I'm very blessed.
Remember to eat greens,
love Debbie
Following radiation, my skin under my arm (axilla region) began to peel several layers down and became slightly infected. It was very raw and was not healing; but now, it is doing much better. Dr. Standish put a Medihoney dressing on it. Medihoney is used for moderately to heavy exuding wounds. After using it (2 dressings) for a week, my skin began to heal. It is still peeling, but there's no more rawness or sharp pain.
I'm in my last week of summer school. My plans are to go to the cabin Sept 2 & 3 and then camping for a few days with Mark, Janelle and her friend, Mike. I will be supporting Theresa on the 3 day Breast Cancer Walk in Seattle on Sept 11-13. I will see her off as she begins her 20 mile walk and I will be at there at the end of each day when she finishes. Sept 14-18, I will be going on a car camping road trip with Donna, Kristin and Linda Alva. We will be camping along the Olympic Peninsula. We will visit the Sequim spit and the Ho Rainforest. We may even camp on the beach if given the opportunity. Sept. 18-22, I will go to Texas to visit my dad. We plan to go to a rodeo together in El Paso.
While it looks like a busy month, I'll be sure to take my naps and use my energy wisely.
I've been taking turkey tail mushroom for 2 weeks now and I will continue until the study that I'm enrolled in is over. This particular mushroom has shown promising results in reducing the likelihood of prevention/reoccurence in China.
I was at Curves this past Saturday for our rummage sale. We raised approx $730; all of the proceeds will be going to the Susan G Komen breast cancer fund. It was so nice to give and receive hugs from my friends at Curves. I met some new friends while I was there also. The women tell me that they are still praying for me - that's awesome. I'm very blessed.
Remember to eat greens,
love Debbie
Friday, August 7, 2009
I Have Completed Radiation!
After 8.5 long months, I have finished treatment. Although, I will still have regular blood draws and scans quarterly to watch for possible reoccurance.
It came as a surprise to me that I was finished with radiation today. My radiation appts were scheduled through Aug 12, so when my radiologist told me on Wed. that I had only two treatments left, I was pleasantly surprised.
My skin on my chest wall and under my arm (axillary region) is red, dark brown and very tender. The skin directly above my sternum is also very tender. The dry skin under my arm pit has begun peeling and looks to be healing. I will post a picture in a few days. My radiologist says my skin looks exceptional - it must be the seaweed! It sounds like she will recommend the seaweed to her patients. I shared the wonderful moisturizing benefits of seaweed in the radiation waiting room to other cancer patients.
My next healing step is to begin cleansing my body (liver esp.) of the toxins and building up my immune system, cells, tissues and organs to prevent me from having to go thru this again. Dr Standish, will direct me through this process. This is the part that I have been looking forward to. I believe that my medicine (Naturopathic Medicine) will heal me. Stay tuned for this part of the journey.
I have had more energy and I have enjoyed walking, biking and camping. I still struggle with chemo brain, but that will get better in time. Instead of being one french fry short of a happy meal, now I'm two french fries.
Thanks again for the ongoing love and support. It is your love and concern that had motivated me to keep taking baby steps and not give up. My passion for life and living is coming back.
I'm going camping this weekend to enjoy nature. I'll be pitching a tent and cooking on a coleman stove - doesn't get much better than that (unless I'm staying at the cabin). Mark and Meoka will be joining me. Hopefully, we can get a little hike in.
Chat with you soon,
Debbie
It came as a surprise to me that I was finished with radiation today. My radiation appts were scheduled through Aug 12, so when my radiologist told me on Wed. that I had only two treatments left, I was pleasantly surprised.
My skin on my chest wall and under my arm (axillary region) is red, dark brown and very tender. The skin directly above my sternum is also very tender. The dry skin under my arm pit has begun peeling and looks to be healing. I will post a picture in a few days. My radiologist says my skin looks exceptional - it must be the seaweed! It sounds like she will recommend the seaweed to her patients. I shared the wonderful moisturizing benefits of seaweed in the radiation waiting room to other cancer patients.
My next healing step is to begin cleansing my body (liver esp.) of the toxins and building up my immune system, cells, tissues and organs to prevent me from having to go thru this again. Dr Standish, will direct me through this process. This is the part that I have been looking forward to. I believe that my medicine (Naturopathic Medicine) will heal me. Stay tuned for this part of the journey.
I have had more energy and I have enjoyed walking, biking and camping. I still struggle with chemo brain, but that will get better in time. Instead of being one french fry short of a happy meal, now I'm two french fries.
Thanks again for the ongoing love and support. It is your love and concern that had motivated me to keep taking baby steps and not give up. My passion for life and living is coming back.
I'm going camping this weekend to enjoy nature. I'll be pitching a tent and cooking on a coleman stove - doesn't get much better than that (unless I'm staying at the cabin). Mark and Meoka will be joining me. Hopefully, we can get a little hike in.
Chat with you soon,
Debbie
Friday, July 24, 2009
Radiation update
Hola,
I had a great time at Celebrate Spanaway last sat at the Curves booth. It was wonderful to see my friends from Curves. It was a blessing to see Jessie (thank you for all your help with setting up the booth), Kathy (thank you for staffing the booth), Theresa (arriving way to early to meet me, loading up the stuff, and setting it up), Rebecca (working double duty), Debbie, Riece, Mary (working out at Curves) Bertha, and Norma. Norma couldn't resist rubbing my bald head. Although, it's not so bald anymore, I do have some fuzz on it now! I enjoyed the hugs, smiles and conversation. I was totally exhausted later that day and most of sunday, but it was worth it. Kathy and I entered our dogs in th pet parade contest at the fair, but our dogs didn't win anything. I thought Guizmo would win the smallest pet (he weighs 2.2lbs) award, but some kid brought a guppy and a snail. That ain't right.
The pain in my muscles has begun to subside, yet I still have it in my joints. Dr. Standish, my ND, said that my joints were inflammed still from chemo; myalga (loss of muscle tissue) in my muscles and tendons was causing the pain. In the last two weeks, my eyebrows have begun to thin even more - it's no biggie though, I just pencil them in.
I have only 2.5 wks left of radiation. YES! My skin on my chest wall and underarm looks really good. The Redness, dryness and soreness is very minimal and I attribute that to the seeweed poultice that I'm using (prescribed by Dr. Standish). My radiaologist wasn't to sure about the benefits of the seaweed in my first few weeks of radiation and she insisted that I would turn red. Well, when I saw her last week, she was amazed by the condition of my skin. She and her nurse would like to know more about it and where to get it so they can tell their other patients. I think this is very cool. Dr. Standish will call Dr. Morris to tell her about the benefits of seaweed for radiation patients. Dr. Standish has been telling her patients about it for 1o years.
Enjoy your weekend.
I had a great time at Celebrate Spanaway last sat at the Curves booth. It was wonderful to see my friends from Curves. It was a blessing to see Jessie (thank you for all your help with setting up the booth), Kathy (thank you for staffing the booth), Theresa (arriving way to early to meet me, loading up the stuff, and setting it up), Rebecca (working double duty), Debbie, Riece, Mary (working out at Curves) Bertha, and Norma. Norma couldn't resist rubbing my bald head. Although, it's not so bald anymore, I do have some fuzz on it now! I enjoyed the hugs, smiles and conversation. I was totally exhausted later that day and most of sunday, but it was worth it. Kathy and I entered our dogs in th pet parade contest at the fair, but our dogs didn't win anything. I thought Guizmo would win the smallest pet (he weighs 2.2lbs) award, but some kid brought a guppy and a snail. That ain't right.
The pain in my muscles has begun to subside, yet I still have it in my joints. Dr. Standish, my ND, said that my joints were inflammed still from chemo; myalga (loss of muscle tissue) in my muscles and tendons was causing the pain. In the last two weeks, my eyebrows have begun to thin even more - it's no biggie though, I just pencil them in.
I have only 2.5 wks left of radiation. YES! My skin on my chest wall and underarm looks really good. The Redness, dryness and soreness is very minimal and I attribute that to the seeweed poultice that I'm using (prescribed by Dr. Standish). My radiaologist wasn't to sure about the benefits of the seaweed in my first few weeks of radiation and she insisted that I would turn red. Well, when I saw her last week, she was amazed by the condition of my skin. She and her nurse would like to know more about it and where to get it so they can tell their other patients. I think this is very cool. Dr. Standish will call Dr. Morris to tell her about the benefits of seaweed for radiation patients. Dr. Standish has been telling her patients about it for 1o years.
Enjoy your weekend.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
WK 4 of Radiation
Happy Tuesday fam and friends,
I am now in wk 4 of radiation (only 3 more wks left!). The only notable side effect thus far is fatigue, but it's not to bad. Each day, my body seems to allot me a certain amount of energy and when I consume most of it then its time to rest/nap. When I awake, I remarkably have more energy to expend. I am trying to learn how to conserve my energy rather than deplete my reserves, but that is not an easy task. My skin has not turned red yet from the radiation although that is likely to occur in the coming weeks. I have been using a seaweed poultice several times a day which has healing properties to help illeviate burns, eczemza, etc. that my ND prescribed. My radiologist said that my skin looked great and she was very curious about the seaweed and where to get it.
Last saturday, I went for a 3 mile walk with Theresa and on Sunday went for a 2 mile walk with Theresa and Meoka. That is the farthest I have walked in a very longtime (pre surgery). It felt good.
In the last 3 weeks, I 've been experiencing some side effects that I believe are left over from chemo or steroids. It started with muscle tension in my hamstrings, quadraceps, calves, neck, and bicep & triceps. Each time I would flex my leg whether laying down or stading up it was quite painful. I thought perhaps they were just tight and that I needed to stretch them, but that didn't help. In the last week, the tension has lessoned in those muscles, but now my joints (hip joints and sacral illiac joint-low back) are stiff. When I get out of a car or get up from the couch, I stagger like an elderly person. It lasts for just a few minutes then I resume standing erect and walk normally.
I am still having hot flashes, yet not as intense as they used to be. I experience them several times a day- usually in the morning and/or midafternoon. When I drink something warm, that can trigger a hot flash. Thank goodness I don't have night sweats. Some women have shared with me about this and that doesn't sound fun at all. Vaginal dryness is another side effect of menopause which I was kicked into early because of chemo; chemo shuts down the production of
estrogen (hormone) in my ovaries thereby decreasing the glands in my vaginal wall from secreting. This can result in (and it did for me) painful intercourse. I mentioned this concern to my oncologist, Dr. Rinn, and she said that one of her patients did a thorough research on trying to find the best lubricant on the market and she found one. It is called Pjur and can be purchased from Babeland. I bought some and it feels like silk-wonderful!
I'm enjoying my classes this summer qtr. - learning good stuff. Don't be surprised if I ask to take your pulse or stick your tongue out. In Chinese medicine, they believe that information can be gained about what is systemically going on with a person through tongue and pulse diagnosis.
Acupuncture has helped me and I would recommend it.
I will be in Spanaway this Saturday at "Celebrate Spanaway." I will be at the Curves booth from 10-2pm so stop by and say hi.
I am now in wk 4 of radiation (only 3 more wks left!). The only notable side effect thus far is fatigue, but it's not to bad. Each day, my body seems to allot me a certain amount of energy and when I consume most of it then its time to rest/nap. When I awake, I remarkably have more energy to expend. I am trying to learn how to conserve my energy rather than deplete my reserves, but that is not an easy task. My skin has not turned red yet from the radiation although that is likely to occur in the coming weeks. I have been using a seaweed poultice several times a day which has healing properties to help illeviate burns, eczemza, etc. that my ND prescribed. My radiologist said that my skin looked great and she was very curious about the seaweed and where to get it.
Last saturday, I went for a 3 mile walk with Theresa and on Sunday went for a 2 mile walk with Theresa and Meoka. That is the farthest I have walked in a very longtime (pre surgery). It felt good.
In the last 3 weeks, I 've been experiencing some side effects that I believe are left over from chemo or steroids. It started with muscle tension in my hamstrings, quadraceps, calves, neck, and bicep & triceps. Each time I would flex my leg whether laying down or stading up it was quite painful. I thought perhaps they were just tight and that I needed to stretch them, but that didn't help. In the last week, the tension has lessoned in those muscles, but now my joints (hip joints and sacral illiac joint-low back) are stiff. When I get out of a car or get up from the couch, I stagger like an elderly person. It lasts for just a few minutes then I resume standing erect and walk normally.
I am still having hot flashes, yet not as intense as they used to be. I experience them several times a day- usually in the morning and/or midafternoon. When I drink something warm, that can trigger a hot flash. Thank goodness I don't have night sweats. Some women have shared with me about this and that doesn't sound fun at all. Vaginal dryness is another side effect of menopause which I was kicked into early because of chemo; chemo shuts down the production of
estrogen (hormone) in my ovaries thereby decreasing the glands in my vaginal wall from secreting. This can result in (and it did for me) painful intercourse. I mentioned this concern to my oncologist, Dr. Rinn, and she said that one of her patients did a thorough research on trying to find the best lubricant on the market and she found one. It is called Pjur and can be purchased from Babeland. I bought some and it feels like silk-wonderful!
I'm enjoying my classes this summer qtr. - learning good stuff. Don't be surprised if I ask to take your pulse or stick your tongue out. In Chinese medicine, they believe that information can be gained about what is systemically going on with a person through tongue and pulse diagnosis.
Acupuncture has helped me and I would recommend it.
I will be in Spanaway this Saturday at "Celebrate Spanaway." I will be at the Curves booth from 10-2pm so stop by and say hi.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Heading into WK 2 of radiation
Hello my lovely family and friends,
Thank you for your continous support and prayers. Your prayer is what sustained and continues to sustain me. Even for the period of time that I found it difficult to pray during the first several months of chemo. Your prayers and my frequent trips to the cabin and being out in nature made it possible for me to find my way back to the Great Spirit.
I am in my 2nd week of radiation and so far no major side effects. My energy has been pretty good, although I find myself needing to take a daily nap or two. The area that is being treated has not turned red yet, but I suspect it will happen in the coming weeks. I've noticed that following treatment I experience a headache, phlem in my throat, and fatigue. My friends, Donna, Michelle, and Kristin have been taking me to daily radiation appts. Next week, now that Tina and Linda have returned to town, each (of the 5) will take me one day/week. I realize how loved I am and it is the love of family and friends that is healing me - physically, emotionally and spriitually.
Well, I must get ready to go to radiation this morning, so until next time. I hope all of you have a safe and fun 4th of July. I won't be going to the cabin as I rented it out, but Mark and I will be going to the Olympic Peninsula with some friends.
Oh, and I have some fabulous news! I'm going to be a grandma. Meoka is about 2.5 months pregnant. I am very excited about this.
Thank you for your continous support and prayers. Your prayer is what sustained and continues to sustain me. Even for the period of time that I found it difficult to pray during the first several months of chemo. Your prayers and my frequent trips to the cabin and being out in nature made it possible for me to find my way back to the Great Spirit.
I am in my 2nd week of radiation and so far no major side effects. My energy has been pretty good, although I find myself needing to take a daily nap or two. The area that is being treated has not turned red yet, but I suspect it will happen in the coming weeks. I've noticed that following treatment I experience a headache, phlem in my throat, and fatigue. My friends, Donna, Michelle, and Kristin have been taking me to daily radiation appts. Next week, now that Tina and Linda have returned to town, each (of the 5) will take me one day/week. I realize how loved I am and it is the love of family and friends that is healing me - physically, emotionally and spriitually.
Well, I must get ready to go to radiation this morning, so until next time. I hope all of you have a safe and fun 4th of July. I won't be going to the cabin as I rented it out, but Mark and I will be going to the Olympic Peninsula with some friends.
Oh, and I have some fabulous news! I'm going to be a grandma. Meoka is about 2.5 months pregnant. I am very excited about this.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Radiation to begin June 22, 2009
Hi gang,
I havn't yet begun into the upswing portion following chemo, that is still about four - five days away. The last three days, I have felt cruddy - my digestive track (mouth, esophogus and stomach) has been very upset ( i ran out of L Glutamine) and I have slept (Wed, Thurs, Fri & Sat) a lot throughout the day. My fingers are puffy and itchy. My fingers appear to have heat bumps on them. I'm sleeping through the night with the exception of getting up to use the restroom. It is a GOOD feeling to know that this is the last effects that I will experience from chemo.
I am optimistic and my spirits are good. I'm feeling confident that radition won't get the best of me by causing great fatigue. My plan is to still try to do a little walking each day and maybe I can resume my workout at Curves.
I am enrolled for 2 summer courses: Tongue and Pulse Diagnosis, and Herbal Making. In mid- August when radiation is complete, I hope to visit my dad in Texas. Iam also eager to hike, bike, kayak and go camping. I plan to spend sometime working at Curves.
I havn't yet begun into the upswing portion following chemo, that is still about four - five days away. The last three days, I have felt cruddy - my digestive track (mouth, esophogus and stomach) has been very upset ( i ran out of L Glutamine) and I have slept (Wed, Thurs, Fri & Sat) a lot throughout the day. My fingers are puffy and itchy. My fingers appear to have heat bumps on them. I'm sleeping through the night with the exception of getting up to use the restroom. It is a GOOD feeling to know that this is the last effects that I will experience from chemo.
I am optimistic and my spirits are good. I'm feeling confident that radition won't get the best of me by causing great fatigue. My plan is to still try to do a little walking each day and maybe I can resume my workout at Curves.
I am enrolled for 2 summer courses: Tongue and Pulse Diagnosis, and Herbal Making. In mid- August when radiation is complete, I hope to visit my dad in Texas. Iam also eager to hike, bike, kayak and go camping. I plan to spend sometime working at Curves.
Monday, June 1, 2009
5/27/09 Deb & Foxina @ the Cowlitz River
The weather was spectacular this Memorial Day weekend along the Cowlitz River.
This is the place that I've talked about many times in my blog; I visit this piece of paradise to renew my spirit.
The photo to the left is a shot of Lake Creek (on the right) flowing into the Cowlitz River.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
May 29, 2009 - Last Chemo Treatment
Dear Family & Friends,
I had my last chemo treatment 2 days ago, Yahoo!
I went to the cabin for Memorial Day weekend and had a glorious 5 days before my last treatment. Some friends (John & Jean w/kids Tyler and Kyle), Vicki & Anthony (kids Sophia n Isaih) spent the night and others (Meoka & Chris, Mike & Annette and Mikes brother, Greg) came up for the Saturday night bbq. We bbq'd at the cabana along the river. It was a wonderful relaxing time! After the bbq we sat around the campfire at the cabin and ate smores. Everyone was gone by Monday, except Mark and I. We took morning and evening walks to the river hoping to see the elk and eagles. I think the wildlife fleed town due to the large influx of humans that attended the flea market. The small town of Packwood was packed.
I have been sleeping pretty well throughout the night since Friday,May 21st. Prior to that, I had been experiencing insomnia since the beginning of chemo treatment - I would wake up 3-4 times between the hours of 12-3am, 7 days a week. I finally told my ND and MD that my back was up against the wall and I needed sleep. I thought the lack of sleep could have contributed to my fatigue, lack of concentration, memory loss, depression, etc. Of course, chemo and steroids causes these effects, but I finally realized that sleep is so crucial to my healing. I called my ND first because I wanted to try naturopathic remedies first; Dr. Standish recommended that I take GABA (up to 2000mg) for two nights along with the melatonin which I have been taking since chemo began; if by the 2nd night, sleep still eluded me, then she strongly suggested that I take the Ambian that my oncologist prescribed. I tried the GABA for 3 nights which didn't solve the insomnia problem. I've never taken sleeping pills before, but I desperately needed to sleep, so I begin taking and sleep followed. In the next 2 wks, I will see if sleep helps with the side effects I have had for the last 4 months. I found that at the cabin I was had more energy (took some naps and rested if needed), and my spirits were good.
The next step for me is 6 weeks of radiation (5 days/week) which will begin in approx. 3 wks.
Again, the journey that I have made thus far could not have been possible, it is the love and support of my family and friends that has made this possible. The integration clinic at Bastyr has been HUGE for my healing process as well. I was listening to my favorite Chrisitan station (105.3) and a song came on that had encourgage words, "greater things are to come and greater things are to be done in the city." I am finally beginning to believe that God will use my situation to help others. I have been told this by my Dr's and friends, but I haven't felt it deep within my being until now. My days are filled with more hope than fear (which I experienced in the earlier days of chemo). My faith has been renewed - thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the prayers.
Don't get me wrong fear is still present, because I still have 25% of reoccurance, but my friend Tina (3 out of 4 year ND student) reminds me that that percentage does not include naturopathic medicine and Dr. Standish will use all naturopathic modalities to make sure that I don't get cancer again. Dr. Standish is an expert in this field and I trust her.
Mark took a picture of me at the river - bald head and all.
I had my last chemo treatment 2 days ago, Yahoo!
I went to the cabin for Memorial Day weekend and had a glorious 5 days before my last treatment. Some friends (John & Jean w/kids Tyler and Kyle), Vicki & Anthony (kids Sophia n Isaih) spent the night and others (Meoka & Chris, Mike & Annette and Mikes brother, Greg) came up for the Saturday night bbq. We bbq'd at the cabana along the river. It was a wonderful relaxing time! After the bbq we sat around the campfire at the cabin and ate smores. Everyone was gone by Monday, except Mark and I. We took morning and evening walks to the river hoping to see the elk and eagles. I think the wildlife fleed town due to the large influx of humans that attended the flea market. The small town of Packwood was packed.
I have been sleeping pretty well throughout the night since Friday,May 21st. Prior to that, I had been experiencing insomnia since the beginning of chemo treatment - I would wake up 3-4 times between the hours of 12-3am, 7 days a week. I finally told my ND and MD that my back was up against the wall and I needed sleep. I thought the lack of sleep could have contributed to my fatigue, lack of concentration, memory loss, depression, etc. Of course, chemo and steroids causes these effects, but I finally realized that sleep is so crucial to my healing. I called my ND first because I wanted to try naturopathic remedies first; Dr. Standish recommended that I take GABA (up to 2000mg) for two nights along with the melatonin which I have been taking since chemo began; if by the 2nd night, sleep still eluded me, then she strongly suggested that I take the Ambian that my oncologist prescribed. I tried the GABA for 3 nights which didn't solve the insomnia problem. I've never taken sleeping pills before, but I desperately needed to sleep, so I begin taking and sleep followed. In the next 2 wks, I will see if sleep helps with the side effects I have had for the last 4 months. I found that at the cabin I was had more energy (took some naps and rested if needed), and my spirits were good.
The next step for me is 6 weeks of radiation (5 days/week) which will begin in approx. 3 wks.
Again, the journey that I have made thus far could not have been possible, it is the love and support of my family and friends that has made this possible. The integration clinic at Bastyr has been HUGE for my healing process as well. I was listening to my favorite Chrisitan station (105.3) and a song came on that had encourgage words, "greater things are to come and greater things are to be done in the city." I am finally beginning to believe that God will use my situation to help others. I have been told this by my Dr's and friends, but I haven't felt it deep within my being until now. My days are filled with more hope than fear (which I experienced in the earlier days of chemo). My faith has been renewed - thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the prayers.
Don't get me wrong fear is still present, because I still have 25% of reoccurance, but my friend Tina (3 out of 4 year ND student) reminds me that that percentage does not include naturopathic medicine and Dr. Standish will use all naturopathic modalities to make sure that I don't get cancer again. Dr. Standish is an expert in this field and I trust her.
Mark took a picture of me at the river - bald head and all.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Today - Chemo treatment # 5
Dear family and extended family,
My good days seem to be getting shorter and my chemo crummy days seem to be lasting longer longer. OUt of a three week period of time, I have 5 feel good days and 16 not so good. I expressed my concern to my oncologist and ND and they confirmed that chemo treatment is cummulative.
Chemo crummies physically leave me short of breath - so my daily walking has been reduced greatly, decreased energy (giving me 1-3 hours/day to be somewhat productive), lack of sleep do to hot flashes, during the day I emit heat from my head and the palm of my hands, its a challenge to take the pets out to go potty, my stomach and esophogus hurt, my nail beds are turning brown, the skin around my nails are dry and peeling, and I ache all over; on a mental note, I am beginning to exhibit short term memory loss and a foggy brain. My Dr's call this chemo brain which can last 6-9 months or longer. With that being said, my cognitive skills just arn't as sharp as I'd like them to be, so my writing skills may also suffer considerably. So, I'll do my best in speaking and writing and hope that I make sense. When I talk, my sentence structure and words are scrammbled, so I repeat myself with the way it's supposed to be said. My friend Mark said, " you don't need to repeat yourself. Your not being graded." I love that. Mark was my husband for 21 years and it is very nice to have his support and friendship during this time.
In addition to chemo brain, when the steroids ware off, I experierence irriatability, extreme sensitivity to sounds (brings about anxiety especially if in a public place), and depression. Last Wed, was very difficult for. I finally hit a wall and decided that I no longer wanted to continue with chemotherapy- I really was tired of being in pain, suffering and not not feeling like me. I actually thought dying from cancer looked like a better alternative. After a good cry, and sharing my thoughts with a few friends, I began to feel emotionally a little better on Thursday. Mark was one of the persons that I spoke with on Wed. and he wanted to come visit me on Thursday. He did and that distracted me and cheered me up. My girlfriend Tina, whose aunt has just recently finished her treatment with colon cancer, told me that my thoughts were pretty normal and that was a relief to hear this.
I will show up for chemo today. My friend Janelle will be driving me. If I didn't go, I think she and a few friends would carry me to treatment - what a sight that would be (LOL). Deep down inside, I do want to live, but I don't exactly know how to live at peace with the pain. I wish I was there, but I haven't figured it out yet. I am working with Dr. Brad on the emotional, spiritual and mental component of my illness. If it wasn't for that, I believe I would be more hopeless.
On a positive note, some of my friends came over and held a second healing circle for me a couple of weeks ago. It was very calming and healing for me. I had too much heat inside (from chemo) and the touch of their hands were cool and refreshing. It was as though they removed heat. My intention this time was to have courage to proceed. I recieved a card from a friend that described beautifully what courage means to me at this moment - take in one day at a time and remember that God is in the present moment:
"Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the little voice
at the end of the day that says I"ll try
again tomorrow"
-Mary Anne Radmacher
I truly believe that God is watching out for me. He is doing that through the blessing of friends/family. Thank you for following my journey and sharing your lives with me. I never really knew until I got cancer of how truly that I am loved.
Again, wishing you health from your cells to your spirit.
Love Debbie
My good days seem to be getting shorter and my chemo crummy days seem to be lasting longer longer. OUt of a three week period of time, I have 5 feel good days and 16 not so good. I expressed my concern to my oncologist and ND and they confirmed that chemo treatment is cummulative.
Chemo crummies physically leave me short of breath - so my daily walking has been reduced greatly, decreased energy (giving me 1-3 hours/day to be somewhat productive), lack of sleep do to hot flashes, during the day I emit heat from my head and the palm of my hands, its a challenge to take the pets out to go potty, my stomach and esophogus hurt, my nail beds are turning brown, the skin around my nails are dry and peeling, and I ache all over; on a mental note, I am beginning to exhibit short term memory loss and a foggy brain. My Dr's call this chemo brain which can last 6-9 months or longer. With that being said, my cognitive skills just arn't as sharp as I'd like them to be, so my writing skills may also suffer considerably. So, I'll do my best in speaking and writing and hope that I make sense. When I talk, my sentence structure and words are scrammbled, so I repeat myself with the way it's supposed to be said. My friend Mark said, " you don't need to repeat yourself. Your not being graded." I love that. Mark was my husband for 21 years and it is very nice to have his support and friendship during this time.
In addition to chemo brain, when the steroids ware off, I experierence irriatability, extreme sensitivity to sounds (brings about anxiety especially if in a public place), and depression. Last Wed, was very difficult for. I finally hit a wall and decided that I no longer wanted to continue with chemotherapy- I really was tired of being in pain, suffering and not not feeling like me. I actually thought dying from cancer looked like a better alternative. After a good cry, and sharing my thoughts with a few friends, I began to feel emotionally a little better on Thursday. Mark was one of the persons that I spoke with on Wed. and he wanted to come visit me on Thursday. He did and that distracted me and cheered me up. My girlfriend Tina, whose aunt has just recently finished her treatment with colon cancer, told me that my thoughts were pretty normal and that was a relief to hear this.
I will show up for chemo today. My friend Janelle will be driving me. If I didn't go, I think she and a few friends would carry me to treatment - what a sight that would be (LOL). Deep down inside, I do want to live, but I don't exactly know how to live at peace with the pain. I wish I was there, but I haven't figured it out yet. I am working with Dr. Brad on the emotional, spiritual and mental component of my illness. If it wasn't for that, I believe I would be more hopeless.
On a positive note, some of my friends came over and held a second healing circle for me a couple of weeks ago. It was very calming and healing for me. I had too much heat inside (from chemo) and the touch of their hands were cool and refreshing. It was as though they removed heat. My intention this time was to have courage to proceed. I recieved a card from a friend that described beautifully what courage means to me at this moment - take in one day at a time and remember that God is in the present moment:
"Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the little voice
at the end of the day that says I"ll try
again tomorrow"
-Mary Anne Radmacher
I truly believe that God is watching out for me. He is doing that through the blessing of friends/family. Thank you for following my journey and sharing your lives with me. I never really knew until I got cancer of how truly that I am loved.
Again, wishing you health from your cells to your spirit.
Love Debbie
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Sometimes the Climb Feels a Little Steeper
Monday was not such a good day. I was emotionally and mentally distressed. I looked in the mirror as I have many times, removed my stocking cap which exposed my bald head and I thought to myself "I have cancer." It brought tears to my eyes. I wish I could just wish it away, but I can't. Recalling that moment, now brings tears. A small part of me doesn't want to do chemo treatment anymore. While I may have this thought, I know it's just that. It will not be something that I act on. Besides, the people that love me would not allow this to happen - they'd tie me up and drag me to treatment (hee hee). I've never been a quitter and it's not time to start. However, this is tough and to date it is one of the most difficult challenges that I have had to endure. Thank God, I have not had to do it alone. I am thankful for the loving support of family and friends. Whether my family & friends talk to me frequently or infrequently, prepare nutrititious meals, visit me, drive me to doctor appts, share books & cd's, or write comments on my blog - all of it demonstrates your love for me. Before my diagnosis, I never really knew how much I was loved. Muchas Gracias!
I'm so glad to be up and moving again. The side effects from chemo this last time seem to be consistent with the previous treatments. The recovery time is about 11-12 days. It is during this time that I find it difficult to write. Safe to say, it is my lack of energy that makes it challenging. At times, I find it hard to accept that I am not the energizer bunny that I used to be - I am limited. Who cares to admit that they are limited? Not me. There is One who is unlimited - the Great Spirit, God. He is the One that I must rely on- something that I have not completely done. It has become evident that I must go deeper within to tap into that source; eventhough, I don't fully understand my reluctance. My experience demonstrates that healing from cancer requires more that just physical healing; healing spiritually, emotionally and mentally are equally as important, if not more so.
I started school this week and I am thrilled to be a student again walking around campus. It is wonderful to see my classmates - I will have to watch my energy expenditure though. Do you realize how difficult that is? I want to smile and talk and talk, but I must remember in small doses. On that note, I shall conclude my blog.
Eat greens
I'm so glad to be up and moving again. The side effects from chemo this last time seem to be consistent with the previous treatments. The recovery time is about 11-12 days. It is during this time that I find it difficult to write. Safe to say, it is my lack of energy that makes it challenging. At times, I find it hard to accept that I am not the energizer bunny that I used to be - I am limited. Who cares to admit that they are limited? Not me. There is One who is unlimited - the Great Spirit, God. He is the One that I must rely on- something that I have not completely done. It has become evident that I must go deeper within to tap into that source; eventhough, I don't fully understand my reluctance. My experience demonstrates that healing from cancer requires more that just physical healing; healing spiritually, emotionally and mentally are equally as important, if not more so.
I started school this week and I am thrilled to be a student again walking around campus. It is wonderful to see my classmates - I will have to watch my energy expenditure though. Do you realize how difficult that is? I want to smile and talk and talk, but I must remember in small doses. On that note, I shall conclude my blog.
Eat greens
Friday, March 27, 2009
What is Bastyr Integrative Oncolgoy Research Clinic?
The information below was e-mailed to the Bastyr Community and I thought you might be interested in my participation in this research. This study addresses a missing link that exist in Western/Traditional medicine; Naturopathic medicine compliments western medicine by looking at the whole person which includes mind and spirit. With each day, I feel that my mind and spirit are healing (as is my physical) and as a result I am hopeful that I can beat this thing.
Side note: Seeking prayer request for my father, Noel, he was recently diagnosed with cancer, he had surgery two weeks ago and they believed they got it all. He is 83 and when I talk to him on the phone I can tell he's getting tired. He sleeps a lot in his recliner. I hope to visit him in late April. The thought of losing my father makes me very sad and would be a crushing blow. For now though, I am living very much in the moment, taking each day as it comes and doing what's in front of me to do. That truly is all that my mind can handle.
___________________________________________________________________
Bastyr University is pleased to announce the opening of the Bastyr Integrative Oncology Research Clinic (BIORC). This research clinic was developed through a grant from Cleavage Creek Cellars, producers of world class wines and contributor of 10 percent of gross sales to fight breast cancer.
Bastyr University’s Integrative Oncology Clinic outpatient facility provides naturopathic and traditional Chinese medicine treatment and integrated management of cancer patients. The new clinic offers patients comprehensive support and treatment for each stage of their experience, from diagnosis to treatment decisions, and restoration of immune function and health after the completion of standard treatment. Providers include Steve Given, L.Ac., DAOM (traditional Chinese medical oncology), Brad Lichtenstein, ND (mind-body medicine), Eric Yarnell, ND (prostate cancer), and Leanna Standish, ND, PhD, L.Ac., FABNO (naturopathic oncology and clinic director). Therapeutic approaches include mind/body medicine, qi gong, yoga, acupuncture, botanical and nutritional medicine. Clinic doctors will communicate with each patient’s medical and radiation oncologists to ensure truly integrated care.
We are very grateful to Cleavage Creek for making the new Bastyr Integrative Oncology Research Clinic possible. We also appreciate the assistance provided by the staff from Bastyr Center for Natural Health in setting up this new satellite clinic.
All patients with cancer diagnoses who receive treatment and care at the Bastyr Integrative Oncology Research Clinic will be asked to participate in the ongoing research study to monitor clinical and quality of life outcomes. Call 425.602.3311 to schedule an appointment. For more information, see our website at http://biorc.bastyr.edu
Timothy C. Callahan, PhD
Senior Vice President and Provost
Bastyr University
425-602-3110
Side note: Seeking prayer request for my father, Noel, he was recently diagnosed with cancer, he had surgery two weeks ago and they believed they got it all. He is 83 and when I talk to him on the phone I can tell he's getting tired. He sleeps a lot in his recliner. I hope to visit him in late April. The thought of losing my father makes me very sad and would be a crushing blow. For now though, I am living very much in the moment, taking each day as it comes and doing what's in front of me to do. That truly is all that my mind can handle.
___________________________________________________________________
Bastyr University is pleased to announce the opening of the Bastyr Integrative Oncology Research Clinic (BIORC). This research clinic was developed through a grant from Cleavage Creek Cellars, producers of world class wines and contributor of 10 percent of gross sales to fight breast cancer.
Bastyr University’s Integrative Oncology Clinic outpatient facility provides naturopathic and traditional Chinese medicine treatment and integrated management of cancer patients. The new clinic offers patients comprehensive support and treatment for each stage of their experience, from diagnosis to treatment decisions, and restoration of immune function and health after the completion of standard treatment. Providers include Steve Given, L.Ac., DAOM (traditional Chinese medical oncology), Brad Lichtenstein, ND (mind-body medicine), Eric Yarnell, ND (prostate cancer), and Leanna Standish, ND, PhD, L.Ac., FABNO (naturopathic oncology and clinic director). Therapeutic approaches include mind/body medicine, qi gong, yoga, acupuncture, botanical and nutritional medicine. Clinic doctors will communicate with each patient’s medical and radiation oncologists to ensure truly integrated care.
We are very grateful to Cleavage Creek for making the new Bastyr Integrative Oncology Research Clinic possible. We also appreciate the assistance provided by the staff from Bastyr Center for Natural Health in setting up this new satellite clinic.
All patients with cancer diagnoses who receive treatment and care at the Bastyr Integrative Oncology Research Clinic will be asked to participate in the ongoing research study to monitor clinical and quality of life outcomes. Call 425.602.3311 to schedule an appointment. For more information, see our website at http://biorc.bastyr.edu
Timothy C. Callahan, PhD
Senior Vice President and Provost
Bastyr University
425-602-3110
The Morning Before Chemo #3
Hola and Buenos Dias,
As of today, I will have completed 50% of my treatment. Whew! 3 treatments down and 3 more to go.
The last 4-5 days have been good cancer days. I have felt good, had a little more energy, did a little reading, attended beginning African drumming class, and Qi Gong. About 90% of my taste buds returned - food never taste so good. I indulged in sweets a little more than I should have. I'd like to say it is becasue I'm pre-menstraul. Speaking of menstruation, I have noticed some slight changes with it. Blood flow last month was irregular and I am experiencing hot/cold flashes 2-3 times per week. My oncologist told me that chemotherapy could kick me into early menopause. I'm not sure what I think about that. Initally, I didn't want my body to go into early menapause - I didn't care for the fact that chemo drugs would alter my body in that way. It's so unnatural; I've also heard and read the horror stories of menopause - hot flashes, vaginal dryness, cranky and moodyness. I'm sure my menopausal friends could add more. I"ll have to do some reading on menopause and ask my ND what approaches can be taken to minimize side affects. In time, I'm certain that I will come to accept and embrace the change in my body. Any healing will require that my mind, body and spirit are in alignment.
I am still walking twice each day, yet I may be doing a little to much. Usually after my 45 minute walk, I feel fatigued and need to take a nap. Dr. Zucker, from the Active Program at Swedish, suggested that I may be overprescribing (the walking) and he directed me to listen more closely to my body. He suggested that I shorten the length of time so as not to become fatiguee. My endurance will come back (not fast enough) and I just need to be patient with myself. I did some exciting activities things this week.
On Sunday morning, I went for a hike with 2 of my friends (Tina and Linda Alva) in the North Bend area. Linda selected a flat trail that was easy - it may be sometime before I can hike a trail with any elevation sigh : ( It was a cloudy and cold day; we encountered a little rain and snow on the ground, yet it felt wonderful to be walking in nature and enhaling the fresh cool air - taking in the ENERGY. I guestimate that we walked 3 miles. I was very tired when I returned home and took a very long nap. I think I overdid it. Tina and Linda were very supportive and they told me that when I need to turn back just let them know. After our hike, we went to grab a bite to eat.
On Monday, Krisitn (my fabulous roommate) and I went for a bike ride to the bookstore. It was so much fun being on my bicylce again. On the ride back from the bookstore, I slowly began to run out of juice (energy). My heart was working hard and I experienced shortness of breath.
I think I came home and took a nap. Love my naps.....
Wishing each of you health from your cells to your spirit.
Love Debbie
As of today, I will have completed 50% of my treatment. Whew! 3 treatments down and 3 more to go.
The last 4-5 days have been good cancer days. I have felt good, had a little more energy, did a little reading, attended beginning African drumming class, and Qi Gong. About 90% of my taste buds returned - food never taste so good. I indulged in sweets a little more than I should have. I'd like to say it is becasue I'm pre-menstraul. Speaking of menstruation, I have noticed some slight changes with it. Blood flow last month was irregular and I am experiencing hot/cold flashes 2-3 times per week. My oncologist told me that chemotherapy could kick me into early menopause. I'm not sure what I think about that. Initally, I didn't want my body to go into early menapause - I didn't care for the fact that chemo drugs would alter my body in that way. It's so unnatural; I've also heard and read the horror stories of menopause - hot flashes, vaginal dryness, cranky and moodyness. I'm sure my menopausal friends could add more. I"ll have to do some reading on menopause and ask my ND what approaches can be taken to minimize side affects. In time, I'm certain that I will come to accept and embrace the change in my body. Any healing will require that my mind, body and spirit are in alignment.
I am still walking twice each day, yet I may be doing a little to much. Usually after my 45 minute walk, I feel fatigued and need to take a nap. Dr. Zucker, from the Active Program at Swedish, suggested that I may be overprescribing (the walking) and he directed me to listen more closely to my body. He suggested that I shorten the length of time so as not to become fatiguee. My endurance will come back (not fast enough) and I just need to be patient with myself. I did some exciting activities things this week.
On Sunday morning, I went for a hike with 2 of my friends (Tina and Linda Alva) in the North Bend area. Linda selected a flat trail that was easy - it may be sometime before I can hike a trail with any elevation sigh : ( It was a cloudy and cold day; we encountered a little rain and snow on the ground, yet it felt wonderful to be walking in nature and enhaling the fresh cool air - taking in the ENERGY. I guestimate that we walked 3 miles. I was very tired when I returned home and took a very long nap. I think I overdid it. Tina and Linda were very supportive and they told me that when I need to turn back just let them know. After our hike, we went to grab a bite to eat.
On Monday, Krisitn (my fabulous roommate) and I went for a bike ride to the bookstore. It was so much fun being on my bicylce again. On the ride back from the bookstore, I slowly began to run out of juice (energy). My heart was working hard and I experienced shortness of breath.
I think I came home and took a nap. Love my naps.....
Wishing each of you health from your cells to your spirit.
Love Debbie
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
I'm 25% through my Treatment
Dr. Standish, my ND, said she likes to look at things from the positive side. She told me last visit that I've completed 25% of my treatment. I like her viewpoint. I have six treatments and I've completed 2. I though about it in terms of months - I won't be done with chemo until June. It sounded like such a long time.
Future Chemo Treatment Dates
March 27
April 17
May 8
May 29
Appt. dates for radiation not set yet, but it will be for 6 weeks/ 5 days per week.
I don't know if I mentioned it in a previous blog, but I will be returning to school for Spring Qtr. I will only enroll in one class (not to difficult) and I will do an independent study with Dr. Leanna Standish. I will meet with Dr. Standish on Friday to discuss the details and nature of my work in the Bastyr Oncology Research Clinic (BORC). I am a current participant in the BORC. Next blog I will explain the the study of the BORC. I can tell you that it is integration medicine between Swedish, Fred Hutch, and Bastyr. It is very healing for me to have the best of both medicines - allopathic and naturopathic. I believe that the quality of my life (mind, body and spirit) will be enhanced - through naturopathic approaches. I look forward to sharing this journey with you.
I was at Curves yesterday (Tuesday) and saw several familiar faces. It was wonderful to see them and exchange hugs. Their encouragement and genuine support warmed my heart and caused the light within me to shine a little brighter. I hope to pay a visit to Curves next week, but I'm not sure the day yet.
Since surgery, I've lost about 15 pounds, but I don't look goulish. I still have another 10-15 pounds that I could safely lose. By no means am I trying to lose weight, it's as a result of the side effects of chemo - loss of appetite, nausea, and taste buds. I'm trying to stay healthy by walking several times each day. Some days, especially following chemo, I can't walk very far - but I do what I can. Other days, I can walk about 30 minutes (its been good for the pups too). My pace is not fast, yet I know that walking is good for my healthy tissues. It's important to raise my heart rate and bring in fresh oxygen into my lungs and cells. I have millions of healthy cells that I want to nurture.
Theresa has told me that she has raised 50% of monies needed for the 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk. This is awesome! Meoka (my daughter) plans to participate in the walk as well. She will be registering soon and will also need to raise $2300 dollars in order to participate. Thank you to those who have donated.
Future Chemo Treatment Dates
March 27
April 17
May 8
May 29
Appt. dates for radiation not set yet, but it will be for 6 weeks/ 5 days per week.
I don't know if I mentioned it in a previous blog, but I will be returning to school for Spring Qtr. I will only enroll in one class (not to difficult) and I will do an independent study with Dr. Leanna Standish. I will meet with Dr. Standish on Friday to discuss the details and nature of my work in the Bastyr Oncology Research Clinic (BORC). I am a current participant in the BORC. Next blog I will explain the the study of the BORC. I can tell you that it is integration medicine between Swedish, Fred Hutch, and Bastyr. It is very healing for me to have the best of both medicines - allopathic and naturopathic. I believe that the quality of my life (mind, body and spirit) will be enhanced - through naturopathic approaches. I look forward to sharing this journey with you.
I was at Curves yesterday (Tuesday) and saw several familiar faces. It was wonderful to see them and exchange hugs. Their encouragement and genuine support warmed my heart and caused the light within me to shine a little brighter. I hope to pay a visit to Curves next week, but I'm not sure the day yet.
Since surgery, I've lost about 15 pounds, but I don't look goulish. I still have another 10-15 pounds that I could safely lose. By no means am I trying to lose weight, it's as a result of the side effects of chemo - loss of appetite, nausea, and taste buds. I'm trying to stay healthy by walking several times each day. Some days, especially following chemo, I can't walk very far - but I do what I can. Other days, I can walk about 30 minutes (its been good for the pups too). My pace is not fast, yet I know that walking is good for my healthy tissues. It's important to raise my heart rate and bring in fresh oxygen into my lungs and cells. I have millions of healthy cells that I want to nurture.
Theresa has told me that she has raised 50% of monies needed for the 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk. This is awesome! Meoka (my daughter) plans to participate in the walk as well. She will be registering soon and will also need to raise $2300 dollars in order to participate. Thank you to those who have donated.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Chemo Experience #2
Treatment #2
This experience was far less traumatic than my first treatment. I had come prepared and as a result, I felt calm and at peace. I had taken a long walk before treatment (the farthest I've walked since before surgery) I brought some CDs for my listening pleasure. As I listened to my Indian flutes CD, I visualized the river at the cabin, and Mt. Tatoosh. It's peak was almost entirely covered with snow and the evergreen trees on its mountain side were gently sprinkled with snow - looked like powdered sugar. I also listened a meditation tape. Before I started listening to my CDs, Tina massaged my feet; it felt wonderful!
Day 1 (fri) - felt pretty good and had some energy - must be the steroid pills. The steroid pills do make me a bit anxious and on edge. I feel as though I have to be doing something and I try, but I tend to run around in circles from room to room; my mind is fuzzy, difficult to recall words and my motor skills seem slow. I especially notice this when I'm texting on my phone.
Tina and I had lunch after treatment then she drove me to get my head shaved. I had several balding spots and my hair was falling out like crazy. It was more disturbing for me to see my hair falling out in the sink, on my pillow case, and anytime I ran my fingers through it. I was ready and up to the task of baldness. I watched as the stylist shaved my head and I actually liked it. The shape of my head is to not to bad, no protruding bumps or scars. Overall, I'm pretty content with it. When Tina dropped me off, I went for another long walk.
Day 2 (sat)- taste buds gone, woke up with headache, dry mouth, throat hurts and diminished appetite. Energy level was pretty good- tried to get things done around the house since in the coming days I predicted that I would be useless on part of day 3, and all of day 4and 5.
I attended the free beginning drumming class (African drums) that I signed up for through Cancer Lifeline. I really enjoyed myself. I laughed and chuckled inside because my hands were doing something other than what I wanted. I missed the beats many times, but the instructor and the women in the class were very patient and kind. I never played really played a musical instrument as a child, but I thought music would be very healing for me. Sometimes you just gotta get out there take risks and have fun.
Later that day, Meoka (my daughter), came to visit. We hung out together on the couch at healthy pizza and watched movies. It was very comforting and relaxing to spend time with her. Meoka and I had not spoken for a little over a year, and she called me within days before I knew that I had cancer. In addition to my physical healing from the surgery, my heart is healing as well. Gods timing is perfect!
Day 3 (sun) - woke up with headache, sore and dry throat, had tingling lips throughout the day, still loss of taste buds and lack of appetite. Neck pain began to surface towards evening. The side effects of chemo appear to be on the same track as my first treatment. I took a long walk in the morning and a shorter one in the afternoon with Linda and Meoka. Shortly thereafter, fatigue set in. Although my appetite is reduced, I am making myself eat. I understand the importance of feeding my good cells. My portion size is very small, so I'm trying to eat 4-5 meals per day and drink water throughout day.
Day 4 (mon) - not much energy - took dogs out to go potty, but didn't walk very far, feeling tired, slight pounding headache, dry throat, tingling lips, and no appetite. Made myself drink a friut smoothie that Krisitin (roommate) made for me.
My friend Janelle from Olympia will be here today and will stay through Wed; she'll take me to Dr. appts, take care of me and the pups. I'm trying to find the right balance between my prescription pain meds and over the counter pain relief. My oncologist encouraged me to do this. I don't want to feel the pain of chemo on my joints and muscles, and I can't be knocked out either because of Dr. appts today, tomorrow and Wed. Thank goodness I'm not driving.
March 18, 2009
Day 5 (tues) - Day 10
no change in side effects. similar to what I experienced in the previous days.
This experience was far less traumatic than my first treatment. I had come prepared and as a result, I felt calm and at peace. I had taken a long walk before treatment (the farthest I've walked since before surgery) I brought some CDs for my listening pleasure. As I listened to my Indian flutes CD, I visualized the river at the cabin, and Mt. Tatoosh. It's peak was almost entirely covered with snow and the evergreen trees on its mountain side were gently sprinkled with snow - looked like powdered sugar. I also listened a meditation tape. Before I started listening to my CDs, Tina massaged my feet; it felt wonderful!
Day 1 (fri) - felt pretty good and had some energy - must be the steroid pills. The steroid pills do make me a bit anxious and on edge. I feel as though I have to be doing something and I try, but I tend to run around in circles from room to room; my mind is fuzzy, difficult to recall words and my motor skills seem slow. I especially notice this when I'm texting on my phone.
Tina and I had lunch after treatment then she drove me to get my head shaved. I had several balding spots and my hair was falling out like crazy. It was more disturbing for me to see my hair falling out in the sink, on my pillow case, and anytime I ran my fingers through it. I was ready and up to the task of baldness. I watched as the stylist shaved my head and I actually liked it. The shape of my head is to not to bad, no protruding bumps or scars. Overall, I'm pretty content with it. When Tina dropped me off, I went for another long walk.
Day 2 (sat)- taste buds gone, woke up with headache, dry mouth, throat hurts and diminished appetite. Energy level was pretty good- tried to get things done around the house since in the coming days I predicted that I would be useless on part of day 3, and all of day 4and 5.
I attended the free beginning drumming class (African drums) that I signed up for through Cancer Lifeline. I really enjoyed myself. I laughed and chuckled inside because my hands were doing something other than what I wanted. I missed the beats many times, but the instructor and the women in the class were very patient and kind. I never played really played a musical instrument as a child, but I thought music would be very healing for me. Sometimes you just gotta get out there take risks and have fun.
Later that day, Meoka (my daughter), came to visit. We hung out together on the couch at healthy pizza and watched movies. It was very comforting and relaxing to spend time with her. Meoka and I had not spoken for a little over a year, and she called me within days before I knew that I had cancer. In addition to my physical healing from the surgery, my heart is healing as well. Gods timing is perfect!
Day 3 (sun) - woke up with headache, sore and dry throat, had tingling lips throughout the day, still loss of taste buds and lack of appetite. Neck pain began to surface towards evening. The side effects of chemo appear to be on the same track as my first treatment. I took a long walk in the morning and a shorter one in the afternoon with Linda and Meoka. Shortly thereafter, fatigue set in. Although my appetite is reduced, I am making myself eat. I understand the importance of feeding my good cells. My portion size is very small, so I'm trying to eat 4-5 meals per day and drink water throughout day.
Day 4 (mon) - not much energy - took dogs out to go potty, but didn't walk very far, feeling tired, slight pounding headache, dry throat, tingling lips, and no appetite. Made myself drink a friut smoothie that Krisitin (roommate) made for me.
My friend Janelle from Olympia will be here today and will stay through Wed; she'll take me to Dr. appts, take care of me and the pups. I'm trying to find the right balance between my prescription pain meds and over the counter pain relief. My oncologist encouraged me to do this. I don't want to feel the pain of chemo on my joints and muscles, and I can't be knocked out either because of Dr. appts today, tomorrow and Wed. Thank goodness I'm not driving.
March 18, 2009
Day 5 (tues) - Day 10
no change in side effects. similar to what I experienced in the previous days.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Wonderful Quotes
I have recieved some wonderful cards that have inspiring quotes on them and I'd like to share them with you. I will continue to add quotes from cards, e-mails, or others that reach out and grab me. Enjoy!
"Nature, time, and patience are the three great physicians."
-Bulgarian Proverb-
When you come to the edge of all the light you know,
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown,
faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be
something solid to stand on or you will be taugt how to fly.
-Barbara J. Winter-
I believe in you... your spirit, your goodness in the way that you face
each day with a commitment to your life and the things that really matter.
I believe in the decisions you make, in the careful consideration you give
each challenge in the perseverance you've shown when others might have
given up. I believe that you possess an extraordinary strength and
endless reserve of resilience-even more than you realize.
You are a person of enormous courage, someone truly special in this world,
a rare and beautiful gift to all of us... And I hope you'll never forget that
I believe in you!
-Jennifer Fujita-
Sometimes only one person is missing
and the whole world seems depopulated.
-Alphonse de Lemartine-
What lies behind us
and what lies before us
are tiny matters
compared to what lies within us.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson-
"Nature, time, and patience are the three great physicians."
-Bulgarian Proverb-
When you come to the edge of all the light you know,
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown,
faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be
something solid to stand on or you will be taugt how to fly.
-Barbara J. Winter-
I believe in you... your spirit, your goodness in the way that you face
each day with a commitment to your life and the things that really matter.
I believe in the decisions you make, in the careful consideration you give
each challenge in the perseverance you've shown when others might have
given up. I believe that you possess an extraordinary strength and
endless reserve of resilience-even more than you realize.
You are a person of enormous courage, someone truly special in this world,
a rare and beautiful gift to all of us... And I hope you'll never forget that
I believe in you!
-Jennifer Fujita-
Sometimes only one person is missing
and the whole world seems depopulated.
-Alphonse de Lemartine-
What lies behind us
and what lies before us
are tiny matters
compared to what lies within us.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson-
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
2nd Chemo Treatment - March 6, 2009
Hello,
I spoke to soon about not losing hair. The day after I wrote that I still had my hair, it began to fall out. I am shedding like a dog. It's just a matter of a week (if that) before its time to shave my head. I have big ears like my dad, so its not going to be a pretty sight. I found two cute wigs; one is dark black and about shoulder length and the other (my goddess wig) is dark brown, long and wavy. The great news is that I didn't have to buy them. At the Swedish Education Center, they offer two free wigs (gently used or new). I"ll be sure to post pictures of me in the wigs when I wear them. In addition to the wigs, I plan to wear scarfs and hats.
Gearing up for Treatment
I have taken some steps to prepare myself for chemo. I went alone to the cabin for 4 nights and it was wonderful! It snowed the evening I arrived about 3-4 inches. I went to the river often to take a snapshot in my mind of what I saw, smelt, heard, and felt. I will recall these images when I have my next chemotherapy. I am using visualization to help with my healing process. My aim is to heal my body, mind and spirit. For me, the challenge is my mind and spirit.
Things that have contributed to my spirit healing are nature and a healing circle. What is a healing circle? I'm not sure exactly what the definition is, but I can describe the process and my experience following. Several of my girlfriends (7) came to my home on Feb 21. They each described there intention of what they hoped to bring to me. I stated my intention of the healing circle - that I would come to have wisdom, joy and happiness. The gals sat in a circle around me and they held hands. There was silence for a period of time in which each of them prayed or meditated. Then each touched me (feet, arm, shoulder, head, leg) and directed their energy and light into me this went on for sometime as well. I did feel their energy and I felt like I was shining bright like a star. At one point, I felt like I was flying. I was tense in the beginning, but I felt my body melt into the floor. After a period of time, it became apparant that fear had been dominating my thoughts and my emotions and I had to and wanted to let it go. FEAR BE GONE is what I said aloud. I left this experience feeling so loved, energized, hopeful and most important the my flame inside of me shining a little brighter. The next time we have a healing circle, we will have a Reiki Master that has offered to come. I felt so much love from these ladies and I'm ever so grateful for their presence in my life; This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!
Some fun classes in the next coming days. I will start QiGong on Wednesday and on Saturday I will start beginning African drumming. These classes are free and offered through Cancer Lifeline. I will use all the resources available to help heal my body mind and spirt.
I spoke to soon about not losing hair. The day after I wrote that I still had my hair, it began to fall out. I am shedding like a dog. It's just a matter of a week (if that) before its time to shave my head. I have big ears like my dad, so its not going to be a pretty sight. I found two cute wigs; one is dark black and about shoulder length and the other (my goddess wig) is dark brown, long and wavy. The great news is that I didn't have to buy them. At the Swedish Education Center, they offer two free wigs (gently used or new). I"ll be sure to post pictures of me in the wigs when I wear them. In addition to the wigs, I plan to wear scarfs and hats.
Gearing up for Treatment
I have taken some steps to prepare myself for chemo. I went alone to the cabin for 4 nights and it was wonderful! It snowed the evening I arrived about 3-4 inches. I went to the river often to take a snapshot in my mind of what I saw, smelt, heard, and felt. I will recall these images when I have my next chemotherapy. I am using visualization to help with my healing process. My aim is to heal my body, mind and spirit. For me, the challenge is my mind and spirit.
Things that have contributed to my spirit healing are nature and a healing circle. What is a healing circle? I'm not sure exactly what the definition is, but I can describe the process and my experience following. Several of my girlfriends (7) came to my home on Feb 21. They each described there intention of what they hoped to bring to me. I stated my intention of the healing circle - that I would come to have wisdom, joy and happiness. The gals sat in a circle around me and they held hands. There was silence for a period of time in which each of them prayed or meditated. Then each touched me (feet, arm, shoulder, head, leg) and directed their energy and light into me this went on for sometime as well. I did feel their energy and I felt like I was shining bright like a star. At one point, I felt like I was flying. I was tense in the beginning, but I felt my body melt into the floor. After a period of time, it became apparant that fear had been dominating my thoughts and my emotions and I had to and wanted to let it go. FEAR BE GONE is what I said aloud. I left this experience feeling so loved, energized, hopeful and most important the my flame inside of me shining a little brighter. The next time we have a healing circle, we will have a Reiki Master that has offered to come. I felt so much love from these ladies and I'm ever so grateful for their presence in my life; This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!
Some fun classes in the next coming days. I will start QiGong on Wednesday and on Saturday I will start beginning African drumming. These classes are free and offered through Cancer Lifeline. I will use all the resources available to help heal my body mind and spirt.
Friday, February 27, 2009
I STILL HAVE HAIR!
Greetings to all,
It's been just a little more than 2 weeks since chemotherapy and my last blog. For some reason, I found it incredibly difficult to bring myself to write about my experience with chemotherapy. For me, it was traumatic, but necessary. I finally grasped the concept and accepted that chemotherapy will reduce my chance of reoccurance and/or advancing to Stage IV (metastasis - in bone, brain, lungs, etc.).
Day of Chemotherapy
I saw my oncologist, Dr. Rinn, prior to chemo. She understood that I'm not to keen on taking pain medicine, but she encouraged me to take it. I thought to myself, "okay, but my incision isn't inflicting to much pain," however, my port which was surgically implanted the day before (a device inserted into chest for the purpose of inserting chemo agents or blood withdrawel) was swollen and hurt terribly. I had iced it off and on in the morning to relieve the discomfort. She agreed that it was swollen and that chemo would be administered through my veins. After my conversation with my Dr., my friend, Becca and I went to the chemotherapy floor. The nurse was going to put me in one area, but I didn't like it - it didn't feel right, so she took me to a room that had a door which could be closed. I liked it. I wanted a space that was somewhat peaceful, and not worry about listening to chitter chatter from the nurses station or other chemo patients.
The nurse said that she would need to get the charge nurse to insert the IV. The charge nurse came in and I watched her insert the needle - it doesn't bother me to watch, but if it makes them nervous I wont. Well, she put the needle in, moved it around, pulled it out a little, moved it around, went back in, back out, back in, back out - dear God, now I'm nervous! She popped the vein and therefore it couldn't be used. She then tried on the front of my forearm (posterior side-anatomically); she cleaned the area just as she had done the first time, then she inserted the needle, moved it around a little, moved it a little more, pulled it out ever so slightly and moved it around, pushed it in, pulled it out, pushed in. She thought she got it and inserted saline ( I think) into the needle at which time I saw my skin rise up. When I told her this, she pulled the needle out - my vein popped again. She said that she never stabs more than twice. By this time, I was a little shaken up to say the least. She said that she could call the IV experts down to do it, but it could take awhile or I could come back in a couple of days when the port healed and administer chemo then
Are you kidding me? There was no way I wanted to come back in 2 days; it took everything to get me here in the first place. I asked her if she could access the port without hurting me too much (I"ll be the first to admit, I don't like pain), she assured me that she could. I told her that I would trust her on this one. I was sick to my stomach, anxiety ridden and my heart rate increased. I told her that I needed a few moments to meditate and calm myself down. She brought me an ice pack to put over my port and stated that, "she'd be back in 15 minutes," then left the room and shut the door.
Becca sat in a chair in the corner, I closed my eyes. Initially I prayed, then I took my mind to the river near my cabin. I began to visualize the river, as it had been just a week before. I saw the elk, and the eagles, trees and plants and lots of different sizes and colors of rocks. I was surrounded by life. The sounds of Lake Creek was soothing and comforting. I recalled when I sat on a rock near the river, closed my eyes, and breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly several times. With each breath I took, I felt as though the river was flowing in and through me; it was cool, refreshing and full of life. As I was visualizing my beautiful place, tears flowed from my eyes. Just then the charge nurse walked in and saw that I was crying, she said we don't have to do this. I replied, that I had gone to my special place and that I was okay.
When she went to put the needle in my port, I tighted up and held my breath. She instructed me to breath in and on her que to breath out. When I exhaled, she would insert the needle. The first needle was to numb the area. Charge Nurse said she gave me some extra juice to numb the area real good. From that point on, didn't feel much other than a little pressure. Through the port, they administered pre-meds like steroid and benedryl; the benedryl made me tired, but steroid kept me awake. Following the pre-meds came the chemo agents - Cytoxan and ??? to be added later.
As the chemo agents dripped into the IV and into my port, I visualized that the chemo agents were salmon and any lingering cancer cells were bugs. The salmon would eat the bugs that circulated in my body. I studied wild salmon while in undergraduate school, so I could visualize them. So with each chemo treatment, I will keep this visualization of the salmon in my mind.
Side effects
day 1 & 2
loss of taste buds- started 1 hour following treatment; everything taste bland.
dry mouth & canker sores
fuzzy head
some fatigue
day 3
pain in muscles and joints -began to set in by mid-day. It felt like I was run over by a truck.
day 4
extreme pain in muscles and joints-brought me to tears. Not only was I run over by a truck, but it backed over me too.
pain in ovaries
neck pain
scalp hurt
day 4-6
started taking pain meds in the morning of day 4 and continued to take every 4 hours following. I don't remember much these days. I slept a lot, went to the restroom, took dogs out to go potty, and ate/drank. If anyone called me on those days, I may not remember. That actually happened, I don't recall speaking to a friend that weekend over the phone.
day 7-10
started feeling a little better, a little more energy, slowed down on pain meds, still took naps.
day 11-current
more energy (usually 3-4 hours per day), less naps, still a little fuzzy in the head, memory is not the greatest, still no taste buds.
I cut my hair last saturday (Feb 21), I woke up that morning and my hair felt so thin and lifeless, so I decided to get it cut - real short. Those that have seem me think it looks real cute. I figured the next step (shaving my head) would not seem as drastic.
It's been just a little more than 2 weeks since chemotherapy and my last blog. For some reason, I found it incredibly difficult to bring myself to write about my experience with chemotherapy. For me, it was traumatic, but necessary. I finally grasped the concept and accepted that chemotherapy will reduce my chance of reoccurance and/or advancing to Stage IV (metastasis - in bone, brain, lungs, etc.).
Day of Chemotherapy
I saw my oncologist, Dr. Rinn, prior to chemo. She understood that I'm not to keen on taking pain medicine, but she encouraged me to take it. I thought to myself, "okay, but my incision isn't inflicting to much pain," however, my port which was surgically implanted the day before (a device inserted into chest for the purpose of inserting chemo agents or blood withdrawel) was swollen and hurt terribly. I had iced it off and on in the morning to relieve the discomfort. She agreed that it was swollen and that chemo would be administered through my veins. After my conversation with my Dr., my friend, Becca and I went to the chemotherapy floor. The nurse was going to put me in one area, but I didn't like it - it didn't feel right, so she took me to a room that had a door which could be closed. I liked it. I wanted a space that was somewhat peaceful, and not worry about listening to chitter chatter from the nurses station or other chemo patients.
The nurse said that she would need to get the charge nurse to insert the IV. The charge nurse came in and I watched her insert the needle - it doesn't bother me to watch, but if it makes them nervous I wont. Well, she put the needle in, moved it around, pulled it out a little, moved it around, went back in, back out, back in, back out - dear God, now I'm nervous! She popped the vein and therefore it couldn't be used. She then tried on the front of my forearm (posterior side-anatomically); she cleaned the area just as she had done the first time, then she inserted the needle, moved it around a little, moved it a little more, pulled it out ever so slightly and moved it around, pushed it in, pulled it out, pushed in. She thought she got it and inserted saline ( I think) into the needle at which time I saw my skin rise up. When I told her this, she pulled the needle out - my vein popped again. She said that she never stabs more than twice. By this time, I was a little shaken up to say the least. She said that she could call the IV experts down to do it, but it could take awhile or I could come back in a couple of days when the port healed and administer chemo then
Are you kidding me? There was no way I wanted to come back in 2 days; it took everything to get me here in the first place. I asked her if she could access the port without hurting me too much (I"ll be the first to admit, I don't like pain), she assured me that she could. I told her that I would trust her on this one. I was sick to my stomach, anxiety ridden and my heart rate increased. I told her that I needed a few moments to meditate and calm myself down. She brought me an ice pack to put over my port and stated that, "she'd be back in 15 minutes," then left the room and shut the door.
Becca sat in a chair in the corner, I closed my eyes. Initially I prayed, then I took my mind to the river near my cabin. I began to visualize the river, as it had been just a week before. I saw the elk, and the eagles, trees and plants and lots of different sizes and colors of rocks. I was surrounded by life. The sounds of Lake Creek was soothing and comforting. I recalled when I sat on a rock near the river, closed my eyes, and breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly several times. With each breath I took, I felt as though the river was flowing in and through me; it was cool, refreshing and full of life. As I was visualizing my beautiful place, tears flowed from my eyes. Just then the charge nurse walked in and saw that I was crying, she said we don't have to do this. I replied, that I had gone to my special place and that I was okay.
When she went to put the needle in my port, I tighted up and held my breath. She instructed me to breath in and on her que to breath out. When I exhaled, she would insert the needle. The first needle was to numb the area. Charge Nurse said she gave me some extra juice to numb the area real good. From that point on, didn't feel much other than a little pressure. Through the port, they administered pre-meds like steroid and benedryl; the benedryl made me tired, but steroid kept me awake. Following the pre-meds came the chemo agents - Cytoxan and ??? to be added later.
As the chemo agents dripped into the IV and into my port, I visualized that the chemo agents were salmon and any lingering cancer cells were bugs. The salmon would eat the bugs that circulated in my body. I studied wild salmon while in undergraduate school, so I could visualize them. So with each chemo treatment, I will keep this visualization of the salmon in my mind.
Side effects
day 1 & 2
loss of taste buds- started 1 hour following treatment; everything taste bland.
dry mouth & canker sores
fuzzy head
some fatigue
day 3
pain in muscles and joints -began to set in by mid-day. It felt like I was run over by a truck.
day 4
extreme pain in muscles and joints-brought me to tears. Not only was I run over by a truck, but it backed over me too.
pain in ovaries
neck pain
scalp hurt
day 4-6
started taking pain meds in the morning of day 4 and continued to take every 4 hours following. I don't remember much these days. I slept a lot, went to the restroom, took dogs out to go potty, and ate/drank. If anyone called me on those days, I may not remember. That actually happened, I don't recall speaking to a friend that weekend over the phone.
day 7-10
started feeling a little better, a little more energy, slowed down on pain meds, still took naps.
day 11-current
more energy (usually 3-4 hours per day), less naps, still a little fuzzy in the head, memory is not the greatest, still no taste buds.
I cut my hair last saturday (Feb 21), I woke up that morning and my hair felt so thin and lifeless, so I decided to get it cut - real short. Those that have seem me think it looks real cute. I figured the next step (shaving my head) would not seem as drastic.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Chemotherapy Begins
Good morning all,
I awoke this morning at 5:30am; today, I begin chemotherapy today at 8:30am; Becca spent the night last night and will take me. When I awoke yesterday morning, I began to cry. In just a few hours I was had my appointment for my port placement. It finally hit me that I was really scared of the poisons that they would inject into my body. I prayed, and told God that I was scared and asked Him for help. I found prayer to be comforting. It was about 6:30 in the morning and I felt like I needed to call someone and let them know that I was scared, so Mark (ex-husband) was the lucky one to get the call. Fortunately for me, he was up.
The port was placed in my chest just under the skin and it will be used to administer chemotherapy.
My plan for chemotherapy this morning is to look at it as a tool to hopefully prevent reoccurence. I will use visual techniques to see it as such. I will visualize that the chemo agents are wild salmon and the cancer cells are flies. As the chemo agents are injected, I will think of them as salmon searching to gobble up the flies. I can envision this for I studied wild salmon in graduate school - I know what they look like and I have seen them eat bugs. After visualization, I will listen to a meditation tape, sleep and bring a good book to read. Must get ready to go...wish me luck and please keep the prayers coming. I would like to request that you pray for my family too. I know this is difficult for them as well.
I awoke this morning at 5:30am; today, I begin chemotherapy today at 8:30am; Becca spent the night last night and will take me. When I awoke yesterday morning, I began to cry. In just a few hours I was had my appointment for my port placement. It finally hit me that I was really scared of the poisons that they would inject into my body. I prayed, and told God that I was scared and asked Him for help. I found prayer to be comforting. It was about 6:30 in the morning and I felt like I needed to call someone and let them know that I was scared, so Mark (ex-husband) was the lucky one to get the call. Fortunately for me, he was up.
The port was placed in my chest just under the skin and it will be used to administer chemotherapy.
My plan for chemotherapy this morning is to look at it as a tool to hopefully prevent reoccurence. I will use visual techniques to see it as such. I will visualize that the chemo agents are wild salmon and the cancer cells are flies. As the chemo agents are injected, I will think of them as salmon searching to gobble up the flies. I can envision this for I studied wild salmon in graduate school - I know what they look like and I have seen them eat bugs. After visualization, I will listen to a meditation tape, sleep and bring a good book to read. Must get ready to go...wish me luck and please keep the prayers coming. I would like to request that you pray for my family too. I know this is difficult for them as well.
Cabin Experience
Yes, I have returned from the cabin - although reluctently. My friend Janelle and I stayed 7 glorious nights. If I didn't have the cabin rented for the weekend, I might still be there. The road trip to the cabin proved to be very healing for me. With that being said, in the coming months, I will make many trips to Packwood (located at the base of Mt. Rainer).
I took a stroll to the river almost every day while I was there. The Cowlitz River is only two tenths (.2) of a mile from the front door of Wild Salmon Retreat (the name I've given my cabin), so the walk was a perfect distance for me. One morning, after I awoke, I found myself being drawn to the river, it was earlier than I would normally go, but I listened to this voice within, got dressed and walked to the river. As I approached the river bank, I saw elk scurring out of the woods and onto the river bed. They were on the opposite side of the river, but they crossed the river bed and were now on my side of the river - about 500ft away from me . There must have been 20-30 elk; the elk stopped and grazed on the fallen trees in the river. I perched myself on a rock beside Lake Creek (small tributary/creek) of the Cowlitz river) and just watched them. I took pictures too. They are beautiful creatures. I closed my eyes, took in the fresh air and the sounds of water flowing from Lake Creek. It suddenly felt as though the river was flowing through me. I envisioned that it was flowing through me and cleansing my body - the water into my mouth and out the soles of my feet. When I finally opened my eyes, somewhat suprised of this experience, I suddenly felt and saw life all around me - the trees, plants, river, rocks, eagles and other avian friends, and the elk. This sensation gave me great peace and comfort. While I may not have felt the nearness of the Great Spirit (God, or the Creator if you prefer), I certainly felt the spirit of nature. Just as chemotherapy, acupuncture, and herbs will be a part of my physical and physiological healing, nature will be equally important to my spiritual, emotional and mental healing.
Thanks to Janelle, known as woman who makes fire, we had a fire every night. It was wonderful to sit on the couch in front of the woodstove to nap, read or converse. Foxina and Guizmo loved to sleep and they did a lot of it. If I slept, they slept. It must have been the clean fresh air that made them tired.
I took a stroll to the river almost every day while I was there. The Cowlitz River is only two tenths (.2) of a mile from the front door of Wild Salmon Retreat (the name I've given my cabin), so the walk was a perfect distance for me. One morning, after I awoke, I found myself being drawn to the river, it was earlier than I would normally go, but I listened to this voice within, got dressed and walked to the river. As I approached the river bank, I saw elk scurring out of the woods and onto the river bed. They were on the opposite side of the river, but they crossed the river bed and were now on my side of the river - about 500ft away from me . There must have been 20-30 elk; the elk stopped and grazed on the fallen trees in the river. I perched myself on a rock beside Lake Creek (small tributary/creek) of the Cowlitz river) and just watched them. I took pictures too. They are beautiful creatures. I closed my eyes, took in the fresh air and the sounds of water flowing from Lake Creek. It suddenly felt as though the river was flowing through me. I envisioned that it was flowing through me and cleansing my body - the water into my mouth and out the soles of my feet. When I finally opened my eyes, somewhat suprised of this experience, I suddenly felt and saw life all around me - the trees, plants, river, rocks, eagles and other avian friends, and the elk. This sensation gave me great peace and comfort. While I may not have felt the nearness of the Great Spirit (God, or the Creator if you prefer), I certainly felt the spirit of nature. Just as chemotherapy, acupuncture, and herbs will be a part of my physical and physiological healing, nature will be equally important to my spiritual, emotional and mental healing.
Thanks to Janelle, known as woman who makes fire, we had a fire every night. It was wonderful to sit on the couch in front of the woodstove to nap, read or converse. Foxina and Guizmo loved to sleep and they did a lot of it. If I slept, they slept. It must have been the clean fresh air that made them tired.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Greetings From Wild Salmon Retreat!
Just before I started blogging, I was lounging on the couch, feeling the warmth of the fire from the wood stove and reading a good book. The dogs are sleeping on my side. The act like their sooo tired. We took a stroll to the river (Cowlitz) this afternoon and as we approached the bank a bald eagle swooped down across us. He/she was pretty big and amazingly beautiful. The river has changed its course once again since my last visit; the main channel now flows along the opposite side of the bank. There is a small tributary (Lake Creek) that dumps into the Cowlitz River; I found a comfortable looking rock, sat on it, closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of rushing water. It was incredibly peaceful. During the summer, we should have a nice little beach and swimmimg area. Beware though - the water is very chilly (glacial water).
I hope to use my time here to get reconnected with God and nature. I don't understand why God would allow this to happen. I'm certain one day I will see the necessity of it. In regards to chemotherapy, I need an attitude adjustment. Chemo is a tool to help me and the benefits outway the costs.
I will have my port put in on Feb. 10th and chemo will begin Feb. 11th. For now though, I will not think about that and just enjoy and relax.
I hope to use my time here to get reconnected with God and nature. I don't understand why God would allow this to happen. I'm certain one day I will see the necessity of it. In regards to chemotherapy, I need an attitude adjustment. Chemo is a tool to help me and the benefits outway the costs.
I will have my port put in on Feb. 10th and chemo will begin Feb. 11th. For now though, I will not think about that and just enjoy and relax.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Chemotherapy
In the last few days, I have felt good. I feel like I'm regaining my strength and energy. It's nothing like my pre-surgery energy, but it's better than it was just a week ago.
My chemotherapy is to begin in 2 weeks and I must say that I am not looking forward to it - let alone 4 months of it. I'm concerned about the damage that the chemicals will do to my healthy cells/tissues, but I really don't have a choice in the matter. Well, I do have a choice, but the alternative of doing nothing, reduces my risk of survival. Thank goodness for acupuncture which will help with the side effects of chemo. Before chemo begins, a port will be inserted in my chest - just under the skin.
I'm going to the cabin this Friday with a girlfriend. I'll probably stay for 5-6 nights. I thought it would be good to getaway. I'll use this time to begin healing. I understand that in addition to my physical healing, I need to explore the emotional and spiritual healing that underlies the surface.
My chemotherapy is to begin in 2 weeks and I must say that I am not looking forward to it - let alone 4 months of it. I'm concerned about the damage that the chemicals will do to my healthy cells/tissues, but I really don't have a choice in the matter. Well, I do have a choice, but the alternative of doing nothing, reduces my risk of survival. Thank goodness for acupuncture which will help with the side effects of chemo. Before chemo begins, a port will be inserted in my chest - just under the skin.
I'm going to the cabin this Friday with a girlfriend. I'll probably stay for 5-6 nights. I thought it would be good to getaway. I'll use this time to begin healing. I understand that in addition to my physical healing, I need to explore the emotional and spiritual healing that underlies the surface.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Headaches, Pathology report, 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk
It's been 13 days following my surgery and I'm still experiencing daily nausea and headaches (light headedness). Some days are more intense than others. I saw Dr. Dawson on Thursday, January 15th. I didn't feel especially well that day. I felt lightheaded and fatigued when I arrived at her office. The nurse took my blood pressure and it was low (70/58) for me. My blood pressure is usually 115/70. I began to have a hotflash and was very willing to put on the blue robe that they provided.
Dr. Dawson removed my drains and suggested that I try to increase my intake of fluid and foods. This, she thought could be the reason for my low blood pressure. She told me that the surgery went well and that my stitches looked good. I knew she'd say that! Several days before my visit to Dr. Dawson, my sister removed the tape and bandage from my chest; I was hesitant to remove the tape because I didn't want to see it. Well, my curiousity got the best of me, I looked at myself in the mirror and I couldn't believe what I saw; it was hideous and I cried. She took the whole thing!
I asked Dr. Dawson why she thought my masectomy looked good because I didn't see what she saw. She said, "the color of your skin looks good, there is no sign of infection and the stitching is smooth. And she reminded me that I'm going to have reconstruction.
She discussed the pathology report of my tissue taken at the time of the surgery. My breast cancer was confirmed at Stage III. I had two tumors in my breast. The larger one which we already knew about 4.3cm and a second one that had not been identified measuring 1cm. A total of 29 lymph nodes were removed and of the 29, 5 were positive for metastasis (malignant).
I have an office visit with my oncologist, Dr. Fer, tomorrow and he should provide me with information on when he'll begin my chemotherapy. I predict he will begin in 2 weeks. Chemotherapy will last for 4 months which will be followed by 6 weeks (5 days/week) of radiation. In addition to this, I will use Naturopathic Medicine modalities to help with the side effects of chemo and radiation. Acupuncture will help with nausea, fatigue, chemo brain, and skin redness/burn from radiation.
As I mentioned in my first posting, this is were the work will begin for me. I need to put my hiking boots on and get ready for the climb of my life. My friends will not allow me to drift into self-pity. Thanks to Linda Alva, Becca, and Joy for supporting me in my many Dr. visits. Linda and I would eat in Seattle after every Dr. visit and that was a blast. I want to give thanks to all my friends for the cards, telephone calls/messages, blog comments and e-mails. And a big thank you to my friends that have prepared meals for me in these last few weeks. Your kindness, love and support inspires me. My dad and Tina are die hards, they call me everyday to check-in with me.
Two of my friends, Theresa and Jean are training and fundraising for the Seattle Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk benefitting Susan G. Komen for the Cure. They are walking on my behalf. I don't think I can walk it this year, but I will be at the finish line for them. If you'd like to make a donation, (they have to each raise $2500), post your interest on this blog and one of them will contact you.
Dr. Dawson removed my drains and suggested that I try to increase my intake of fluid and foods. This, she thought could be the reason for my low blood pressure. She told me that the surgery went well and that my stitches looked good. I knew she'd say that! Several days before my visit to Dr. Dawson, my sister removed the tape and bandage from my chest; I was hesitant to remove the tape because I didn't want to see it. Well, my curiousity got the best of me, I looked at myself in the mirror and I couldn't believe what I saw; it was hideous and I cried. She took the whole thing!
I asked Dr. Dawson why she thought my masectomy looked good because I didn't see what she saw. She said, "the color of your skin looks good, there is no sign of infection and the stitching is smooth. And she reminded me that I'm going to have reconstruction.
She discussed the pathology report of my tissue taken at the time of the surgery. My breast cancer was confirmed at Stage III. I had two tumors in my breast. The larger one which we already knew about 4.3cm and a second one that had not been identified measuring 1cm. A total of 29 lymph nodes were removed and of the 29, 5 were positive for metastasis (malignant).
I have an office visit with my oncologist, Dr. Fer, tomorrow and he should provide me with information on when he'll begin my chemotherapy. I predict he will begin in 2 weeks. Chemotherapy will last for 4 months which will be followed by 6 weeks (5 days/week) of radiation. In addition to this, I will use Naturopathic Medicine modalities to help with the side effects of chemo and radiation. Acupuncture will help with nausea, fatigue, chemo brain, and skin redness/burn from radiation.
As I mentioned in my first posting, this is were the work will begin for me. I need to put my hiking boots on and get ready for the climb of my life. My friends will not allow me to drift into self-pity. Thanks to Linda Alva, Becca, and Joy for supporting me in my many Dr. visits. Linda and I would eat in Seattle after every Dr. visit and that was a blast. I want to give thanks to all my friends for the cards, telephone calls/messages, blog comments and e-mails. And a big thank you to my friends that have prepared meals for me in these last few weeks. Your kindness, love and support inspires me. My dad and Tina are die hards, they call me everyday to check-in with me.
Two of my friends, Theresa and Jean are training and fundraising for the Seattle Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk benefitting Susan G. Komen for the Cure. They are walking on my behalf. I don't think I can walk it this year, but I will be at the finish line for them. If you'd like to make a donation, (they have to each raise $2500), post your interest on this blog and one of them will contact you.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Day of Surgery and the Days that Preceeded
I know it's been awhile since I last wrote; actually, my last posting (post surgery update) was transcribed by my friend Jean (thanks Jeano). I didn't have the energy or cognitive ability to put words together to make a sentence. And, I don't know that I'll do much better now, but I'll give it a shot.
My dad, sister (Toni), daughter (Meoka), and Mark (ex-husband), joined me to the hospital. The night before, my friends, Tina, Linda and Donna came over and brought some yummy foods that my family could enjoy while they here. My fabulous roommate, Krisitin, made some scrumptious BBQ pork and cole slaw. Overall, I was pretty relaxed on Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. I felt the love of my family, friends, and comments written on the blog; my heart was full.
This was sure a far cry from my overwhelming fear that I experienced on Sunday evening. If there is such things as demons, I felt them that night. I wasn't afraid of dying, I wanted too. I knew that I could not go into surgery with this type of mentality, yet I was unable to shake it off. I believe that it was all the prayers that friends have said for me and their faith that carried me through. I don't know what happened to my faith or connection to God - it was temporaily gone. The morning of my surgery, I spoke with Debbie, who I liken as my spiritual mentor, and she said a prayer with me. I repeated that prayer many times that morning which brought me comfort before surgery.
My dear friends, Vicki, Theresa, and Riece were there and gave me hugs before I went into surgery. We cried and laughed together. These friends and my dear friends, Becca, Debbie Sharp, and Linda Alva came I believe while I was in surgery. When I was taken to my room following recovery (about 2.5 hours later) I remember my sister coming into my room saying, "your 6 sisters are here." How did that happen? I had one sister going into surgery and 6 coming out. I thought it was great. She wanted to make sure that everyone got to see me. I had a deluxe private room. Wow! I don't remember much else of that visit - other than I got lots of kisses and held hands with those that love me.
My dad, sister (Toni), daughter (Meoka), and Mark (ex-husband), joined me to the hospital. The night before, my friends, Tina, Linda and Donna came over and brought some yummy foods that my family could enjoy while they here. My fabulous roommate, Krisitin, made some scrumptious BBQ pork and cole slaw. Overall, I was pretty relaxed on Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. I felt the love of my family, friends, and comments written on the blog; my heart was full.
This was sure a far cry from my overwhelming fear that I experienced on Sunday evening. If there is such things as demons, I felt them that night. I wasn't afraid of dying, I wanted too. I knew that I could not go into surgery with this type of mentality, yet I was unable to shake it off. I believe that it was all the prayers that friends have said for me and their faith that carried me through. I don't know what happened to my faith or connection to God - it was temporaily gone. The morning of my surgery, I spoke with Debbie, who I liken as my spiritual mentor, and she said a prayer with me. I repeated that prayer many times that morning which brought me comfort before surgery.
My dear friends, Vicki, Theresa, and Riece were there and gave me hugs before I went into surgery. We cried and laughed together. These friends and my dear friends, Becca, Debbie Sharp, and Linda Alva came I believe while I was in surgery. When I was taken to my room following recovery (about 2.5 hours later) I remember my sister coming into my room saying, "your 6 sisters are here." How did that happen? I had one sister going into surgery and 6 coming out. I thought it was great. She wanted to make sure that everyone got to see me. I had a deluxe private room. Wow! I don't remember much else of that visit - other than I got lots of kisses and held hands with those that love me.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Post Surgery Update
Thank you for your prayers and your encouraging words. I did leave the hospital on Thursday. Haven't slept too much or gotten much rest, as it turns out I am allergic to vicadin. I stopped taking the vicadin and am working with an accupuncturist for pain management. They will be making a house call today. Symptons I was experiencing with the vicadin were itchiness, red rash, nauseau, treachea constriction, and headache. after my initial accu treatment my headache subsided, nauseau was gone, appetite came back and I began to sleep well. Hoping to begin my healing process now and that my energy level will return.
Love,
Debbie
Love,
Debbie
Monday, January 5, 2009
Let it Snow! (Surgery time moved up)
As of today, my surgery has been changed to 11am (previously was 1:30pm) on Wed. I shall now arrive at the hospital at 9am. The nurse left a message on my voicemail. How does she know that I didn't have plans? I could have had plans. NOT. I"ll tell you though as hard as it was to schedule a surgery date with Dr. Pam Dawson (surgeon), I'll be there when they tell me to.
We had 12 inches of snow last night in Packwood! To date, we have a total snowfall of about 4ft -5ft. My local friends in Packwood say that they have never seen this much snow in our little town. Now, for my sister in Anchorage Alaska, that would be nothing, but if you were to ask my brother, Bill or Jr in sunny southern CA., it would be ALOT! It's all relative, right?
In regards to my emotional state, for the moment I am blind. I can't see how God will use this situation to His ultimate good. Nor do I see Him healing me. Last night on my drive to Packwood, this pain took my mind to some dark places. I have chosen to speak with only a few about this information and I prefer not to discuss it with all. You may ask, "then why did you mention it." My reply is simple; one day there may be another woman that is diagnosed with breast cancer and she may feel she is at the same jumping off place that I am. And, I want her to know that she is not the only one that has ever had those thoughts. Another reason, my collegues are the future leaders in Naturopathic Medicine and if this gives them a little more insight and understanding about their patient, then it's worth it.
On part of my drive, I felt smothered with hoplessness and despair, tears were streaming down my face, and I cried out to God to help me. I couldn't calm myself. I thought if I keep this up I'm going to accidently drive myself off the road. The visibilty of the road was compromised because it was snowing hard, the wind was blowing and the roads were slushy and icy. In my desperation, I made a call. I called my friend Kristin in Packwood. I was about 1 hour from Packwood and I asked if she would come over to the cabin and pray with me. Once I hung up with her, and she said she'd come over, I felt some relief. I thought once I get myself to the cabin then I'd be okay. And, I was. I am blessed to have people that love, support and encourage me that are near and a far. The prayer of my friends/family have carried me and allowed me to take another step.
I woke up this morning with puffy eyes. I told myself that I am done crying; I'm tired of crying. But as I sit and recall last nights story, I weep. I better stay well hydrated.
We had 12 inches of snow last night in Packwood! To date, we have a total snowfall of about 4ft -5ft. My local friends in Packwood say that they have never seen this much snow in our little town. Now, for my sister in Anchorage Alaska, that would be nothing, but if you were to ask my brother, Bill or Jr in sunny southern CA., it would be ALOT! It's all relative, right?
In regards to my emotional state, for the moment I am blind. I can't see how God will use this situation to His ultimate good. Nor do I see Him healing me. Last night on my drive to Packwood, this pain took my mind to some dark places. I have chosen to speak with only a few about this information and I prefer not to discuss it with all. You may ask, "then why did you mention it." My reply is simple; one day there may be another woman that is diagnosed with breast cancer and she may feel she is at the same jumping off place that I am. And, I want her to know that she is not the only one that has ever had those thoughts. Another reason, my collegues are the future leaders in Naturopathic Medicine and if this gives them a little more insight and understanding about their patient, then it's worth it.
On part of my drive, I felt smothered with hoplessness and despair, tears were streaming down my face, and I cried out to God to help me. I couldn't calm myself. I thought if I keep this up I'm going to accidently drive myself off the road. The visibilty of the road was compromised because it was snowing hard, the wind was blowing and the roads were slushy and icy. In my desperation, I made a call. I called my friend Kristin in Packwood. I was about 1 hour from Packwood and I asked if she would come over to the cabin and pray with me. Once I hung up with her, and she said she'd come over, I felt some relief. I thought once I get myself to the cabin then I'd be okay. And, I was. I am blessed to have people that love, support and encourage me that are near and a far. The prayer of my friends/family have carried me and allowed me to take another step.
I woke up this morning with puffy eyes. I told myself that I am done crying; I'm tired of crying. But as I sit and recall last nights story, I weep. I better stay well hydrated.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Off to the Cabin
The dogs and I are going to the cabin for the night. I hope to get grounded and reconnect with nature. I do love going to the cabin-it is a place where my spirit is rejuvenated. I will take down the Christmas decorations, maybe snowshoe and just make sure the septic is functioning properly. I also need to use this time to write my living will and trust. Not an easy matter to address, but I must do it. I'm down to crunch time.
Still cring on and off and experiencing some anxiety attacks; I imagine this is pretty normal considering the situation. I'm not one who openly acknowlegdes my emotions or feelings, but it has become necessary if I hope to get well.
Thank you for your love, prayers and surrounding me with white light.
Still cring on and off and experiencing some anxiety attacks; I imagine this is pretty normal considering the situation. I'm not one who openly acknowlegdes my emotions or feelings, but it has become necessary if I hope to get well.
Thank you for your love, prayers and surrounding me with white light.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
What to do and Where to go?
Yesterday morning I had a little bounce in my step. It was a productive morning. I took Foxina to get her nails clipped, took my subaru to the dealership to get the inside passenger door handle fixed, cleaned kitchen (it's small), and dropped some things off at the Goodwill. Just as I was beginning to sit back on the couch to relax, I received a call from Tiffany (cleaning lady and friend) in Packwood on New Years Day notifying me that my septic tank at the cabin was backing up into the shower. Not good, especially since I had guest arriving that day in just a few hours. Apparently, the septic needed to be emptied, but the septic company couldn't come until the next day (Jan 2). Fortunetly for all it worked out. The guests actually preferred to arrive on Friday. The overflowing of the septic tank may have been due to the ground being to saturated. We have about 4ft of snow in Packwood. This is alot considering we don't have that kind of snowfall there. After all that excitement and about 20 phone calls later, I was ready for a nap. Needless to say, for the rest of the evening I was unproductive.
Today, no bounce in my step. Very unproductive. I packed up the car and loaded the dogs in the car and drove south to Puyallup. I hung out at the Puyallup home for a few hours and visited with Meoka and Scott then I met Theresa ( a very good friend that manages my business) for dinner. Following dinner, I went to JoAnn's Fabrics to find something to do with my hands. I bought some yarn and a loom. My plan is to make a scarf(s).
Today, no bounce in my step. Very unproductive. I packed up the car and loaded the dogs in the car and drove south to Puyallup. I hung out at the Puyallup home for a few hours and visited with Meoka and Scott then I met Theresa ( a very good friend that manages my business) for dinner. Following dinner, I went to JoAnn's Fabrics to find something to do with my hands. I bought some yarn and a loom. My plan is to make a scarf(s).
I don't know what my plans are for school yet. I should decide soon because classes begin tomorrow. I won't be attending classes for the first 2-3 weeks. I am uncertain about school becasue I don't have the energy, mental cognitive capabilities, or emotional rigor to move forth. Maybe Ill take a fun class like my onocologist suggested. Usually I don't flip flop with decisions, but that's the way it has been lately. My memory is not serving me very well either. I tend to forget important and unimportant matters. This would not serve me will if I took Anatomy II. Time will tell. Meanwhile, I pray, try to stay in today and do what's in front of me to do.
Friday, January 2, 2009
SURGERY DETAILS
Surgery Scheduled Wednesday, January 7, 2009 @ 1:30pm
Location: Swedish Medical Center (First Hill Campus) 206-386-2997
747 Broadway
Seattle, WA 98122
Directions:
From the South: Take I-5 northbound to the James St. Exit (No.164A). Turn R
(east) onto James.
From the North: Take I-5 southbound to the James St. Exit (No. 165A) Turn L
(east) onto James.
Travel 6-7 blocks to the intersection of James and Broadway. Turn L (north) onto
Broadway. Cross over Cherry St. and turn L at the next light. This runs you in front of the main entrance of the hospital is on Broadway. There is underground parking or street parking. This is Seattle so parking is never for free.
Time:
check-in 11:30;
check-out - Thursday, January 8, 2009
Length of surgery: approx 3 hours; I'll spend 1 hour in recovery and then family/extended family will be brought in to visit. Just a few at a time, please. :)
Post Operative Appts.
1/9/08 Dr. Standish (ND) @ 2pm
1/15/08 Dr. Dawson (Surgeon) @ 10:45am
1/21/08 Dr. Fer (Oncologist) @ 1pm
Location: Swedish Medical Center (First Hill Campus) 206-386-2997
747 Broadway
Seattle, WA 98122
Directions:
From the South: Take I-5 northbound to the James St. Exit (No.164A). Turn R
(east) onto James.
From the North: Take I-5 southbound to the James St. Exit (No. 165A) Turn L
(east) onto James.
Travel 6-7 blocks to the intersection of James and Broadway. Turn L (north) onto
Broadway. Cross over Cherry St. and turn L at the next light. This runs you in front of the main entrance of the hospital is on Broadway. There is underground parking or street parking. This is Seattle so parking is never for free.
Time:
check-in 11:30;
check-out - Thursday, January 8, 2009
Length of surgery: approx 3 hours; I'll spend 1 hour in recovery and then family/extended family will be brought in to visit. Just a few at a time, please. :)
Post Operative Appts.
1/9/08 Dr. Standish (ND) @ 2pm
1/15/08 Dr. Dawson (Surgeon) @ 10:45am
1/21/08 Dr. Fer (Oncologist) @ 1pm
Thursday, January 1, 2009
2009 - HAPPY NEW YEAR!
To my family and extended family,
I wish each of you a year filled with health, love and success. And, success can be whatever we define it as.
As I reflect back on 2008, it was certainly filled with love and success (I passed all my finals!) and for the most part I enjoyed relatively good health. I struggled with lower back problems for several months in the latter part of 2007 and into the first 4 months of 2008. The back problems stemmed from past mva's (motor vehicle accidents), and a reoccurence of these injuries surfaced as a result of excessive sitting (in the classroom & studying) and lack of exercise. My acupuncturist, Naturopathic Doctor (ND) and Chiropractor, Dr. Masa, believes that when dealing with lower back (specifically sacral iliac joint) problems suggests that a person may not feel supported. Well, there certainly is some truth to that.
I uprooted to the Seatlle area to attend medical school (Bastyr University), new environment, new people, and the curriculum was daunting. Seldom did I have contact with old friends as there was simply no time. After 3 months of acupuncture, the pain level in my sacrum area began to subside.
With one treatment, a needle was placed into and over my sternum (manubrium), shortly thereafter, a tear or two began to stream down from my face. I tried to hide it by contorting my face then I heard Dr. Masa ask, "what are you feeling?" He wanted me to listen to what my body was telling me - now this may sound easy, but it wasn't. Most of my time is spent in my head - studying, studying and more studying. My classmates that read this will understand. As I tried to listen, the only thing that I felt/heard was that my heart hurt and I preceded to cry some more. I didn't know why my heart hurt.....but it did. There could be numerous reasons, it could be my mom's death in Aug. 2006, lack of contact with my daughter for several months, or perhaps my divorce from a man that I deeply loved. There was also the ground maintenance employee that grabbed my arm in Spring which caused me great mental anguish. Hard to know. Prior to this, I was not aware of this hurt and I wouldn't have known that it existed hadn't it been for a talented ND that guided me. That is one of the best features that I love about Naturopathic Medicine... we look at the whole system. Our scope of medicine looks not only at the physical symptoms, but the emotional and spiritual as well.
It was the later part of 2008 though that rocked my world. On November 24, 2008 the pathology report came back confirming that I had invasive ductoral carnioma, Stage III. Carcinoma is latin for cancer, ductoral means that it was in the lactiforus ducts, and invasive means that it spread from the ducts to surrounding tissue (lymph nodes). The mass measures 4.3 cm (shy under 2 inches) and two lymph nodes revealed malignant. The radiologist suggested that there could possibly be two more lymph nodes that are cancerous. My surgery is scheduled in 6 days, January 7, 2009. I have chosen to have a masectomy and forego pre-chemothearapy (which was for 4 months). In 6 months, I can decide whether I want to have the other breast removed and undergo reconstruction for both.
I was determined to finish the last few weeks of the quarter and take my final exams of which I did. Had it not been for the tutoring, support and encouragement of my classmates, and the understanding of my professors, and my dear friend and spiritual mentor in Concord, CA, I would have fallen short and exited stage left. Now that I don't have my studies to occupy my time and mind, my emotions have risen to the surface. They feel like a tide of emotions which ebb and flo. By nature as most of you know, I am an optimistic person, nor am I a quitter, yet in the past few weeks I have been sad, perhaps even depressed. I cry at least once maybe twice a day. I'm sluggish in the morning and don't want to get out of bed, but I must because Foxina and Guizmo (my furry friends) need to go potty in the morning. I seem to have lost (hopefully only temporarily) my drive, determination, enthusiasm, and perseverence. I have also lost sight of my goal of becoming a Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine. I am not excited about anything. I would like to turn around, walk away and say I'm done. I'm tired. I have been moving and going strong since 01' when I opened up my first business, followed by opening up the second business in 02. And now, 18 months of medical school. Blah.Blah.
I recall in summer of 05' when I had a similar feeling of giving up. It was about 1am in the morning, and my climbing buddies and I geared up for our summit to Mt. Adams. I had trained hard and long (4-5 months) for this climb. The day before we hiked for 7 hours; I had 50lbs in my pack and I felt like a mule. We pitched our tents at a location on the mountain known as the lunch counter (I don't know why they call it the lunch counter, there was no food or a counter.) We arose at 1am and began to summit. I didn't get to far when my legs muscles (gastronmeus, soleus, tibialis anterior ) and ankles began to hurt - they were screaming and tightening up. During my training, I hadn't prepared to use cramp ons, so my ankles were constantly in dorsal flexion (ankles pulled up towards shin) and my breathing was difficult due to the higher elevation. At one point, I stopped, looked up and saw that all of my teammates were ahead in the distance; I looked behind me and was discouraged by the short distance I had traveled. A thought crossed my mind... I could go always go back to Curves (fitness and wt. loss center) and tell my members that you do the best you can and if it's to hard then you just give up. I couldn't convince myself of that argument, so I pressed on. As it turns out, it was my ego that wouldn't let me quit and I had a team member that stayed with me and cheered me on the entire way until we reached the summit. With lots of prayer on that mountain side, I managed to summit Mt. Adams all 12, 286 ft of it. Amazing!
Well, I have another mountain to climb and this is the climb of my life. I'm only at the base of Breast Cancer Mountain, it is overwhelming, HUGE, frightening and with unfamiliar terrain. I believe my ascent up this mountain will begin following surgery. I'm not prepared - I don't have the equipment, training or let alone the desire to climb. For now, I shall rest, take it one step at a time and with God's help everything is possible.
Thank you for your continuous prayers.
Love Debbie
P.S. special thanks to Margie and Nancy for telling me about blogging.
I wish each of you a year filled with health, love and success. And, success can be whatever we define it as.
As I reflect back on 2008, it was certainly filled with love and success (I passed all my finals!) and for the most part I enjoyed relatively good health. I struggled with lower back problems for several months in the latter part of 2007 and into the first 4 months of 2008. The back problems stemmed from past mva's (motor vehicle accidents), and a reoccurence of these injuries surfaced as a result of excessive sitting (in the classroom & studying) and lack of exercise. My acupuncturist, Naturopathic Doctor (ND) and Chiropractor, Dr. Masa, believes that when dealing with lower back (specifically sacral iliac joint) problems suggests that a person may not feel supported. Well, there certainly is some truth to that.
I uprooted to the Seatlle area to attend medical school (Bastyr University), new environment, new people, and the curriculum was daunting. Seldom did I have contact with old friends as there was simply no time. After 3 months of acupuncture, the pain level in my sacrum area began to subside.
With one treatment, a needle was placed into and over my sternum (manubrium), shortly thereafter, a tear or two began to stream down from my face. I tried to hide it by contorting my face then I heard Dr. Masa ask, "what are you feeling?" He wanted me to listen to what my body was telling me - now this may sound easy, but it wasn't. Most of my time is spent in my head - studying, studying and more studying. My classmates that read this will understand. As I tried to listen, the only thing that I felt/heard was that my heart hurt and I preceded to cry some more. I didn't know why my heart hurt.....but it did. There could be numerous reasons, it could be my mom's death in Aug. 2006, lack of contact with my daughter for several months, or perhaps my divorce from a man that I deeply loved. There was also the ground maintenance employee that grabbed my arm in Spring which caused me great mental anguish. Hard to know. Prior to this, I was not aware of this hurt and I wouldn't have known that it existed hadn't it been for a talented ND that guided me. That is one of the best features that I love about Naturopathic Medicine... we look at the whole system. Our scope of medicine looks not only at the physical symptoms, but the emotional and spiritual as well.
It was the later part of 2008 though that rocked my world. On November 24, 2008 the pathology report came back confirming that I had invasive ductoral carnioma, Stage III. Carcinoma is latin for cancer, ductoral means that it was in the lactiforus ducts, and invasive means that it spread from the ducts to surrounding tissue (lymph nodes). The mass measures 4.3 cm (shy under 2 inches) and two lymph nodes revealed malignant. The radiologist suggested that there could possibly be two more lymph nodes that are cancerous. My surgery is scheduled in 6 days, January 7, 2009. I have chosen to have a masectomy and forego pre-chemothearapy (which was for 4 months). In 6 months, I can decide whether I want to have the other breast removed and undergo reconstruction for both.
I was determined to finish the last few weeks of the quarter and take my final exams of which I did. Had it not been for the tutoring, support and encouragement of my classmates, and the understanding of my professors, and my dear friend and spiritual mentor in Concord, CA, I would have fallen short and exited stage left. Now that I don't have my studies to occupy my time and mind, my emotions have risen to the surface. They feel like a tide of emotions which ebb and flo. By nature as most of you know, I am an optimistic person, nor am I a quitter, yet in the past few weeks I have been sad, perhaps even depressed. I cry at least once maybe twice a day. I'm sluggish in the morning and don't want to get out of bed, but I must because Foxina and Guizmo (my furry friends) need to go potty in the morning. I seem to have lost (hopefully only temporarily) my drive, determination, enthusiasm, and perseverence. I have also lost sight of my goal of becoming a Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine. I am not excited about anything. I would like to turn around, walk away and say I'm done. I'm tired. I have been moving and going strong since 01' when I opened up my first business, followed by opening up the second business in 02. And now, 18 months of medical school. Blah.Blah.
I recall in summer of 05' when I had a similar feeling of giving up. It was about 1am in the morning, and my climbing buddies and I geared up for our summit to Mt. Adams. I had trained hard and long (4-5 months) for this climb. The day before we hiked for 7 hours; I had 50lbs in my pack and I felt like a mule. We pitched our tents at a location on the mountain known as the lunch counter (I don't know why they call it the lunch counter, there was no food or a counter.) We arose at 1am and began to summit. I didn't get to far when my legs muscles (gastronmeus, soleus, tibialis anterior ) and ankles began to hurt - they were screaming and tightening up. During my training, I hadn't prepared to use cramp ons, so my ankles were constantly in dorsal flexion (ankles pulled up towards shin) and my breathing was difficult due to the higher elevation. At one point, I stopped, looked up and saw that all of my teammates were ahead in the distance; I looked behind me and was discouraged by the short distance I had traveled. A thought crossed my mind... I could go always go back to Curves (fitness and wt. loss center) and tell my members that you do the best you can and if it's to hard then you just give up. I couldn't convince myself of that argument, so I pressed on. As it turns out, it was my ego that wouldn't let me quit and I had a team member that stayed with me and cheered me on the entire way until we reached the summit. With lots of prayer on that mountain side, I managed to summit Mt. Adams all 12, 286 ft of it. Amazing!
Well, I have another mountain to climb and this is the climb of my life. I'm only at the base of Breast Cancer Mountain, it is overwhelming, HUGE, frightening and with unfamiliar terrain. I believe my ascent up this mountain will begin following surgery. I'm not prepared - I don't have the equipment, training or let alone the desire to climb. For now, I shall rest, take it one step at a time and with God's help everything is possible.
Thank you for your continuous prayers.
Love Debbie
P.S. special thanks to Margie and Nancy for telling me about blogging.
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