Sometimes the Climb Feels a Little Steeper

Monday was not such a good day. I was emotionally and mentally distressed. I looked in the mirror as I have many times, removed my stocking cap which exposed my bald head and I thought to myself "I have cancer." It brought tears to my eyes. I wish I could just wish it away, but I can't. Recalling that moment, now brings tears. A small part of me doesn't want to do chemo treatment anymore. While I may have this thought, I know it's just that. It will not be something that I act on. Besides, the people that love me would not allow this to happen - they'd tie me up and drag me to treatment (hee hee). I've never been a quitter and it's not time to start. However, this is tough and to date it is one of the most difficult challenges that I have had to endure. Thank God, I have not had to do it alone. I am thankful for the loving support of family and friends. Whether my family & friends talk to me frequently or infrequently, prepare nutrititious meals, visit me, drive me to doctor appts, share books & cd's, or write comments on my blog - all of it demonstrates your love for me. Before my diagnosis, I never really knew how much I was loved. Muchas Gracias!

I'm so glad to be up and moving again. The side effects from chemo this last time seem to be consistent with the previous treatments. The recovery time is about 11-12 days. It is during this time that I find it difficult to write. Safe to say, it is my lack of energy that makes it challenging. At times, I find it hard to accept that I am not the energizer bunny that I used to be - I am limited. Who cares to admit that they are limited? Not me. There is One who is unlimited - the Great Spirit, God. He is the One that I must rely on- something that I have not completely done. It has become evident that I must go deeper within to tap into that source; eventhough, I don't fully understand my reluctance. My experience demonstrates that healing from cancer requires more that just physical healing; healing spiritually, emotionally and mentally are equally as important, if not more so.

I started school this week and I am thrilled to be a student again walking around campus. It is wonderful to see my classmates - I will have to watch my energy expenditure though. Do you realize how difficult that is? I want to smile and talk and talk, but I must remember in small doses. On that note, I shall conclude my blog.

Eat greens