Dr. Standish, my ND, said she likes to look at things from the positive side. She told me last visit that I've completed 25% of my treatment. I like her viewpoint. I have six treatments and I've completed 2. I though about it in terms of months - I won't be done with chemo until June. It sounded like such a long time.
Future Chemo Treatment Dates
March 27
April 17
May 8
May 29
Appt. dates for radiation not set yet, but it will be for 6 weeks/ 5 days per week.
I don't know if I mentioned it in a previous blog, but I will be returning to school for Spring Qtr. I will only enroll in one class (not to difficult) and I will do an independent study with Dr. Leanna Standish. I will meet with Dr. Standish on Friday to discuss the details and nature of my work in the Bastyr Oncology Research Clinic (BORC). I am a current participant in the BORC. Next blog I will explain the the study of the BORC. I can tell you that it is integration medicine between Swedish, Fred Hutch, and Bastyr. It is very healing for me to have the best of both medicines - allopathic and naturopathic. I believe that the quality of my life (mind, body and spirit) will be enhanced - through naturopathic approaches. I look forward to sharing this journey with you.
I was at Curves yesterday (Tuesday) and saw several familiar faces. It was wonderful to see them and exchange hugs. Their encouragement and genuine support warmed my heart and caused the light within me to shine a little brighter. I hope to pay a visit to Curves next week, but I'm not sure the day yet.
Since surgery, I've lost about 15 pounds, but I don't look goulish. I still have another 10-15 pounds that I could safely lose. By no means am I trying to lose weight, it's as a result of the side effects of chemo - loss of appetite, nausea, and taste buds. I'm trying to stay healthy by walking several times each day. Some days, especially following chemo, I can't walk very far - but I do what I can. Other days, I can walk about 30 minutes (its been good for the pups too). My pace is not fast, yet I know that walking is good for my healthy tissues. It's important to raise my heart rate and bring in fresh oxygen into my lungs and cells. I have millions of healthy cells that I want to nurture.
Theresa has told me that she has raised 50% of monies needed for the 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk. This is awesome! Meoka (my daughter) plans to participate in the walk as well. She will be registering soon and will also need to raise $2300 dollars in order to participate. Thank you to those who have donated.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Chemo Experience #2
Treatment #2
This experience was far less traumatic than my first treatment. I had come prepared and as a result, I felt calm and at peace. I had taken a long walk before treatment (the farthest I've walked since before surgery) I brought some CDs for my listening pleasure. As I listened to my Indian flutes CD, I visualized the river at the cabin, and Mt. Tatoosh. It's peak was almost entirely covered with snow and the evergreen trees on its mountain side were gently sprinkled with snow - looked like powdered sugar. I also listened a meditation tape. Before I started listening to my CDs, Tina massaged my feet; it felt wonderful!
Day 1 (fri) - felt pretty good and had some energy - must be the steroid pills. The steroid pills do make me a bit anxious and on edge. I feel as though I have to be doing something and I try, but I tend to run around in circles from room to room; my mind is fuzzy, difficult to recall words and my motor skills seem slow. I especially notice this when I'm texting on my phone.
Tina and I had lunch after treatment then she drove me to get my head shaved. I had several balding spots and my hair was falling out like crazy. It was more disturbing for me to see my hair falling out in the sink, on my pillow case, and anytime I ran my fingers through it. I was ready and up to the task of baldness. I watched as the stylist shaved my head and I actually liked it. The shape of my head is to not to bad, no protruding bumps or scars. Overall, I'm pretty content with it. When Tina dropped me off, I went for another long walk.
Day 2 (sat)- taste buds gone, woke up with headache, dry mouth, throat hurts and diminished appetite. Energy level was pretty good- tried to get things done around the house since in the coming days I predicted that I would be useless on part of day 3, and all of day 4and 5.
I attended the free beginning drumming class (African drums) that I signed up for through Cancer Lifeline. I really enjoyed myself. I laughed and chuckled inside because my hands were doing something other than what I wanted. I missed the beats many times, but the instructor and the women in the class were very patient and kind. I never played really played a musical instrument as a child, but I thought music would be very healing for me. Sometimes you just gotta get out there take risks and have fun.
Later that day, Meoka (my daughter), came to visit. We hung out together on the couch at healthy pizza and watched movies. It was very comforting and relaxing to spend time with her. Meoka and I had not spoken for a little over a year, and she called me within days before I knew that I had cancer. In addition to my physical healing from the surgery, my heart is healing as well. Gods timing is perfect!
Day 3 (sun) - woke up with headache, sore and dry throat, had tingling lips throughout the day, still loss of taste buds and lack of appetite. Neck pain began to surface towards evening. The side effects of chemo appear to be on the same track as my first treatment. I took a long walk in the morning and a shorter one in the afternoon with Linda and Meoka. Shortly thereafter, fatigue set in. Although my appetite is reduced, I am making myself eat. I understand the importance of feeding my good cells. My portion size is very small, so I'm trying to eat 4-5 meals per day and drink water throughout day.
Day 4 (mon) - not much energy - took dogs out to go potty, but didn't walk very far, feeling tired, slight pounding headache, dry throat, tingling lips, and no appetite. Made myself drink a friut smoothie that Krisitin (roommate) made for me.
My friend Janelle from Olympia will be here today and will stay through Wed; she'll take me to Dr. appts, take care of me and the pups. I'm trying to find the right balance between my prescription pain meds and over the counter pain relief. My oncologist encouraged me to do this. I don't want to feel the pain of chemo on my joints and muscles, and I can't be knocked out either because of Dr. appts today, tomorrow and Wed. Thank goodness I'm not driving.
March 18, 2009
Day 5 (tues) - Day 10
no change in side effects. similar to what I experienced in the previous days.
This experience was far less traumatic than my first treatment. I had come prepared and as a result, I felt calm and at peace. I had taken a long walk before treatment (the farthest I've walked since before surgery) I brought some CDs for my listening pleasure. As I listened to my Indian flutes CD, I visualized the river at the cabin, and Mt. Tatoosh. It's peak was almost entirely covered with snow and the evergreen trees on its mountain side were gently sprinkled with snow - looked like powdered sugar. I also listened a meditation tape. Before I started listening to my CDs, Tina massaged my feet; it felt wonderful!
Day 1 (fri) - felt pretty good and had some energy - must be the steroid pills. The steroid pills do make me a bit anxious and on edge. I feel as though I have to be doing something and I try, but I tend to run around in circles from room to room; my mind is fuzzy, difficult to recall words and my motor skills seem slow. I especially notice this when I'm texting on my phone.
Tina and I had lunch after treatment then she drove me to get my head shaved. I had several balding spots and my hair was falling out like crazy. It was more disturbing for me to see my hair falling out in the sink, on my pillow case, and anytime I ran my fingers through it. I was ready and up to the task of baldness. I watched as the stylist shaved my head and I actually liked it. The shape of my head is to not to bad, no protruding bumps or scars. Overall, I'm pretty content with it. When Tina dropped me off, I went for another long walk.
Day 2 (sat)- taste buds gone, woke up with headache, dry mouth, throat hurts and diminished appetite. Energy level was pretty good- tried to get things done around the house since in the coming days I predicted that I would be useless on part of day 3, and all of day 4and 5.
I attended the free beginning drumming class (African drums) that I signed up for through Cancer Lifeline. I really enjoyed myself. I laughed and chuckled inside because my hands were doing something other than what I wanted. I missed the beats many times, but the instructor and the women in the class were very patient and kind. I never played really played a musical instrument as a child, but I thought music would be very healing for me. Sometimes you just gotta get out there take risks and have fun.
Later that day, Meoka (my daughter), came to visit. We hung out together on the couch at healthy pizza and watched movies. It was very comforting and relaxing to spend time with her. Meoka and I had not spoken for a little over a year, and she called me within days before I knew that I had cancer. In addition to my physical healing from the surgery, my heart is healing as well. Gods timing is perfect!
Day 3 (sun) - woke up with headache, sore and dry throat, had tingling lips throughout the day, still loss of taste buds and lack of appetite. Neck pain began to surface towards evening. The side effects of chemo appear to be on the same track as my first treatment. I took a long walk in the morning and a shorter one in the afternoon with Linda and Meoka. Shortly thereafter, fatigue set in. Although my appetite is reduced, I am making myself eat. I understand the importance of feeding my good cells. My portion size is very small, so I'm trying to eat 4-5 meals per day and drink water throughout day.
Day 4 (mon) - not much energy - took dogs out to go potty, but didn't walk very far, feeling tired, slight pounding headache, dry throat, tingling lips, and no appetite. Made myself drink a friut smoothie that Krisitin (roommate) made for me.
My friend Janelle from Olympia will be here today and will stay through Wed; she'll take me to Dr. appts, take care of me and the pups. I'm trying to find the right balance between my prescription pain meds and over the counter pain relief. My oncologist encouraged me to do this. I don't want to feel the pain of chemo on my joints and muscles, and I can't be knocked out either because of Dr. appts today, tomorrow and Wed. Thank goodness I'm not driving.
March 18, 2009
Day 5 (tues) - Day 10
no change in side effects. similar to what I experienced in the previous days.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Wonderful Quotes
I have recieved some wonderful cards that have inspiring quotes on them and I'd like to share them with you. I will continue to add quotes from cards, e-mails, or others that reach out and grab me. Enjoy!
"Nature, time, and patience are the three great physicians."
-Bulgarian Proverb-
When you come to the edge of all the light you know,
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown,
faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be
something solid to stand on or you will be taugt how to fly.
-Barbara J. Winter-
I believe in you... your spirit, your goodness in the way that you face
each day with a commitment to your life and the things that really matter.
I believe in the decisions you make, in the careful consideration you give
each challenge in the perseverance you've shown when others might have
given up. I believe that you possess an extraordinary strength and
endless reserve of resilience-even more than you realize.
You are a person of enormous courage, someone truly special in this world,
a rare and beautiful gift to all of us... And I hope you'll never forget that
I believe in you!
-Jennifer Fujita-
Sometimes only one person is missing
and the whole world seems depopulated.
-Alphonse de Lemartine-
What lies behind us
and what lies before us
are tiny matters
compared to what lies within us.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson-
"Nature, time, and patience are the three great physicians."
-Bulgarian Proverb-
When you come to the edge of all the light you know,
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown,
faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be
something solid to stand on or you will be taugt how to fly.
-Barbara J. Winter-
I believe in you... your spirit, your goodness in the way that you face
each day with a commitment to your life and the things that really matter.
I believe in the decisions you make, in the careful consideration you give
each challenge in the perseverance you've shown when others might have
given up. I believe that you possess an extraordinary strength and
endless reserve of resilience-even more than you realize.
You are a person of enormous courage, someone truly special in this world,
a rare and beautiful gift to all of us... And I hope you'll never forget that
I believe in you!
-Jennifer Fujita-
Sometimes only one person is missing
and the whole world seems depopulated.
-Alphonse de Lemartine-
What lies behind us
and what lies before us
are tiny matters
compared to what lies within us.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson-
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
2nd Chemo Treatment - March 6, 2009
Hello,
I spoke to soon about not losing hair. The day after I wrote that I still had my hair, it began to fall out. I am shedding like a dog. It's just a matter of a week (if that) before its time to shave my head. I have big ears like my dad, so its not going to be a pretty sight. I found two cute wigs; one is dark black and about shoulder length and the other (my goddess wig) is dark brown, long and wavy. The great news is that I didn't have to buy them. At the Swedish Education Center, they offer two free wigs (gently used or new). I"ll be sure to post pictures of me in the wigs when I wear them. In addition to the wigs, I plan to wear scarfs and hats.
Gearing up for Treatment
I have taken some steps to prepare myself for chemo. I went alone to the cabin for 4 nights and it was wonderful! It snowed the evening I arrived about 3-4 inches. I went to the river often to take a snapshot in my mind of what I saw, smelt, heard, and felt. I will recall these images when I have my next chemotherapy. I am using visualization to help with my healing process. My aim is to heal my body, mind and spirit. For me, the challenge is my mind and spirit.
Things that have contributed to my spirit healing are nature and a healing circle. What is a healing circle? I'm not sure exactly what the definition is, but I can describe the process and my experience following. Several of my girlfriends (7) came to my home on Feb 21. They each described there intention of what they hoped to bring to me. I stated my intention of the healing circle - that I would come to have wisdom, joy and happiness. The gals sat in a circle around me and they held hands. There was silence for a period of time in which each of them prayed or meditated. Then each touched me (feet, arm, shoulder, head, leg) and directed their energy and light into me this went on for sometime as well. I did feel their energy and I felt like I was shining bright like a star. At one point, I felt like I was flying. I was tense in the beginning, but I felt my body melt into the floor. After a period of time, it became apparant that fear had been dominating my thoughts and my emotions and I had to and wanted to let it go. FEAR BE GONE is what I said aloud. I left this experience feeling so loved, energized, hopeful and most important the my flame inside of me shining a little brighter. The next time we have a healing circle, we will have a Reiki Master that has offered to come. I felt so much love from these ladies and I'm ever so grateful for their presence in my life; This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!
Some fun classes in the next coming days. I will start QiGong on Wednesday and on Saturday I will start beginning African drumming. These classes are free and offered through Cancer Lifeline. I will use all the resources available to help heal my body mind and spirt.
I spoke to soon about not losing hair. The day after I wrote that I still had my hair, it began to fall out. I am shedding like a dog. It's just a matter of a week (if that) before its time to shave my head. I have big ears like my dad, so its not going to be a pretty sight. I found two cute wigs; one is dark black and about shoulder length and the other (my goddess wig) is dark brown, long and wavy. The great news is that I didn't have to buy them. At the Swedish Education Center, they offer two free wigs (gently used or new). I"ll be sure to post pictures of me in the wigs when I wear them. In addition to the wigs, I plan to wear scarfs and hats.
Gearing up for Treatment
I have taken some steps to prepare myself for chemo. I went alone to the cabin for 4 nights and it was wonderful! It snowed the evening I arrived about 3-4 inches. I went to the river often to take a snapshot in my mind of what I saw, smelt, heard, and felt. I will recall these images when I have my next chemotherapy. I am using visualization to help with my healing process. My aim is to heal my body, mind and spirit. For me, the challenge is my mind and spirit.
Things that have contributed to my spirit healing are nature and a healing circle. What is a healing circle? I'm not sure exactly what the definition is, but I can describe the process and my experience following. Several of my girlfriends (7) came to my home on Feb 21. They each described there intention of what they hoped to bring to me. I stated my intention of the healing circle - that I would come to have wisdom, joy and happiness. The gals sat in a circle around me and they held hands. There was silence for a period of time in which each of them prayed or meditated. Then each touched me (feet, arm, shoulder, head, leg) and directed their energy and light into me this went on for sometime as well. I did feel their energy and I felt like I was shining bright like a star. At one point, I felt like I was flying. I was tense in the beginning, but I felt my body melt into the floor. After a period of time, it became apparant that fear had been dominating my thoughts and my emotions and I had to and wanted to let it go. FEAR BE GONE is what I said aloud. I left this experience feeling so loved, energized, hopeful and most important the my flame inside of me shining a little brighter. The next time we have a healing circle, we will have a Reiki Master that has offered to come. I felt so much love from these ladies and I'm ever so grateful for their presence in my life; This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!
Some fun classes in the next coming days. I will start QiGong on Wednesday and on Saturday I will start beginning African drumming. These classes are free and offered through Cancer Lifeline. I will use all the resources available to help heal my body mind and spirt.
Friday, February 27, 2009
I STILL HAVE HAIR!
Greetings to all,
It's been just a little more than 2 weeks since chemotherapy and my last blog. For some reason, I found it incredibly difficult to bring myself to write about my experience with chemotherapy. For me, it was traumatic, but necessary. I finally grasped the concept and accepted that chemotherapy will reduce my chance of reoccurance and/or advancing to Stage IV (metastasis - in bone, brain, lungs, etc.).
Day of Chemotherapy
I saw my oncologist, Dr. Rinn, prior to chemo. She understood that I'm not to keen on taking pain medicine, but she encouraged me to take it. I thought to myself, "okay, but my incision isn't inflicting to much pain," however, my port which was surgically implanted the day before (a device inserted into chest for the purpose of inserting chemo agents or blood withdrawel) was swollen and hurt terribly. I had iced it off and on in the morning to relieve the discomfort. She agreed that it was swollen and that chemo would be administered through my veins. After my conversation with my Dr., my friend, Becca and I went to the chemotherapy floor. The nurse was going to put me in one area, but I didn't like it - it didn't feel right, so she took me to a room that had a door which could be closed. I liked it. I wanted a space that was somewhat peaceful, and not worry about listening to chitter chatter from the nurses station or other chemo patients.
The nurse said that she would need to get the charge nurse to insert the IV. The charge nurse came in and I watched her insert the needle - it doesn't bother me to watch, but if it makes them nervous I wont. Well, she put the needle in, moved it around, pulled it out a little, moved it around, went back in, back out, back in, back out - dear God, now I'm nervous! She popped the vein and therefore it couldn't be used. She then tried on the front of my forearm (posterior side-anatomically); she cleaned the area just as she had done the first time, then she inserted the needle, moved it around a little, moved it a little more, pulled it out ever so slightly and moved it around, pushed it in, pulled it out, pushed in. She thought she got it and inserted saline ( I think) into the needle at which time I saw my skin rise up. When I told her this, she pulled the needle out - my vein popped again. She said that she never stabs more than twice. By this time, I was a little shaken up to say the least. She said that she could call the IV experts down to do it, but it could take awhile or I could come back in a couple of days when the port healed and administer chemo then
Are you kidding me? There was no way I wanted to come back in 2 days; it took everything to get me here in the first place. I asked her if she could access the port without hurting me too much (I"ll be the first to admit, I don't like pain), she assured me that she could. I told her that I would trust her on this one. I was sick to my stomach, anxiety ridden and my heart rate increased. I told her that I needed a few moments to meditate and calm myself down. She brought me an ice pack to put over my port and stated that, "she'd be back in 15 minutes," then left the room and shut the door.
Becca sat in a chair in the corner, I closed my eyes. Initially I prayed, then I took my mind to the river near my cabin. I began to visualize the river, as it had been just a week before. I saw the elk, and the eagles, trees and plants and lots of different sizes and colors of rocks. I was surrounded by life. The sounds of Lake Creek was soothing and comforting. I recalled when I sat on a rock near the river, closed my eyes, and breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly several times. With each breath I took, I felt as though the river was flowing in and through me; it was cool, refreshing and full of life. As I was visualizing my beautiful place, tears flowed from my eyes. Just then the charge nurse walked in and saw that I was crying, she said we don't have to do this. I replied, that I had gone to my special place and that I was okay.
When she went to put the needle in my port, I tighted up and held my breath. She instructed me to breath in and on her que to breath out. When I exhaled, she would insert the needle. The first needle was to numb the area. Charge Nurse said she gave me some extra juice to numb the area real good. From that point on, didn't feel much other than a little pressure. Through the port, they administered pre-meds like steroid and benedryl; the benedryl made me tired, but steroid kept me awake. Following the pre-meds came the chemo agents - Cytoxan and ??? to be added later.
As the chemo agents dripped into the IV and into my port, I visualized that the chemo agents were salmon and any lingering cancer cells were bugs. The salmon would eat the bugs that circulated in my body. I studied wild salmon while in undergraduate school, so I could visualize them. So with each chemo treatment, I will keep this visualization of the salmon in my mind.
Side effects
day 1 & 2
loss of taste buds- started 1 hour following treatment; everything taste bland.
dry mouth & canker sores
fuzzy head
some fatigue
day 3
pain in muscles and joints -began to set in by mid-day. It felt like I was run over by a truck.
day 4
extreme pain in muscles and joints-brought me to tears. Not only was I run over by a truck, but it backed over me too.
pain in ovaries
neck pain
scalp hurt
day 4-6
started taking pain meds in the morning of day 4 and continued to take every 4 hours following. I don't remember much these days. I slept a lot, went to the restroom, took dogs out to go potty, and ate/drank. If anyone called me on those days, I may not remember. That actually happened, I don't recall speaking to a friend that weekend over the phone.
day 7-10
started feeling a little better, a little more energy, slowed down on pain meds, still took naps.
day 11-current
more energy (usually 3-4 hours per day), less naps, still a little fuzzy in the head, memory is not the greatest, still no taste buds.
I cut my hair last saturday (Feb 21), I woke up that morning and my hair felt so thin and lifeless, so I decided to get it cut - real short. Those that have seem me think it looks real cute. I figured the next step (shaving my head) would not seem as drastic.
It's been just a little more than 2 weeks since chemotherapy and my last blog. For some reason, I found it incredibly difficult to bring myself to write about my experience with chemotherapy. For me, it was traumatic, but necessary. I finally grasped the concept and accepted that chemotherapy will reduce my chance of reoccurance and/or advancing to Stage IV (metastasis - in bone, brain, lungs, etc.).
Day of Chemotherapy
I saw my oncologist, Dr. Rinn, prior to chemo. She understood that I'm not to keen on taking pain medicine, but she encouraged me to take it. I thought to myself, "okay, but my incision isn't inflicting to much pain," however, my port which was surgically implanted the day before (a device inserted into chest for the purpose of inserting chemo agents or blood withdrawel) was swollen and hurt terribly. I had iced it off and on in the morning to relieve the discomfort. She agreed that it was swollen and that chemo would be administered through my veins. After my conversation with my Dr., my friend, Becca and I went to the chemotherapy floor. The nurse was going to put me in one area, but I didn't like it - it didn't feel right, so she took me to a room that had a door which could be closed. I liked it. I wanted a space that was somewhat peaceful, and not worry about listening to chitter chatter from the nurses station or other chemo patients.
The nurse said that she would need to get the charge nurse to insert the IV. The charge nurse came in and I watched her insert the needle - it doesn't bother me to watch, but if it makes them nervous I wont. Well, she put the needle in, moved it around, pulled it out a little, moved it around, went back in, back out, back in, back out - dear God, now I'm nervous! She popped the vein and therefore it couldn't be used. She then tried on the front of my forearm (posterior side-anatomically); she cleaned the area just as she had done the first time, then she inserted the needle, moved it around a little, moved it a little more, pulled it out ever so slightly and moved it around, pushed it in, pulled it out, pushed in. She thought she got it and inserted saline ( I think) into the needle at which time I saw my skin rise up. When I told her this, she pulled the needle out - my vein popped again. She said that she never stabs more than twice. By this time, I was a little shaken up to say the least. She said that she could call the IV experts down to do it, but it could take awhile or I could come back in a couple of days when the port healed and administer chemo then
Are you kidding me? There was no way I wanted to come back in 2 days; it took everything to get me here in the first place. I asked her if she could access the port without hurting me too much (I"ll be the first to admit, I don't like pain), she assured me that she could. I told her that I would trust her on this one. I was sick to my stomach, anxiety ridden and my heart rate increased. I told her that I needed a few moments to meditate and calm myself down. She brought me an ice pack to put over my port and stated that, "she'd be back in 15 minutes," then left the room and shut the door.
Becca sat in a chair in the corner, I closed my eyes. Initially I prayed, then I took my mind to the river near my cabin. I began to visualize the river, as it had been just a week before. I saw the elk, and the eagles, trees and plants and lots of different sizes and colors of rocks. I was surrounded by life. The sounds of Lake Creek was soothing and comforting. I recalled when I sat on a rock near the river, closed my eyes, and breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly several times. With each breath I took, I felt as though the river was flowing in and through me; it was cool, refreshing and full of life. As I was visualizing my beautiful place, tears flowed from my eyes. Just then the charge nurse walked in and saw that I was crying, she said we don't have to do this. I replied, that I had gone to my special place and that I was okay.
When she went to put the needle in my port, I tighted up and held my breath. She instructed me to breath in and on her que to breath out. When I exhaled, she would insert the needle. The first needle was to numb the area. Charge Nurse said she gave me some extra juice to numb the area real good. From that point on, didn't feel much other than a little pressure. Through the port, they administered pre-meds like steroid and benedryl; the benedryl made me tired, but steroid kept me awake. Following the pre-meds came the chemo agents - Cytoxan and ??? to be added later.
As the chemo agents dripped into the IV and into my port, I visualized that the chemo agents were salmon and any lingering cancer cells were bugs. The salmon would eat the bugs that circulated in my body. I studied wild salmon while in undergraduate school, so I could visualize them. So with each chemo treatment, I will keep this visualization of the salmon in my mind.
Side effects
day 1 & 2
loss of taste buds- started 1 hour following treatment; everything taste bland.
dry mouth & canker sores
fuzzy head
some fatigue
day 3
pain in muscles and joints -began to set in by mid-day. It felt like I was run over by a truck.
day 4
extreme pain in muscles and joints-brought me to tears. Not only was I run over by a truck, but it backed over me too.
pain in ovaries
neck pain
scalp hurt
day 4-6
started taking pain meds in the morning of day 4 and continued to take every 4 hours following. I don't remember much these days. I slept a lot, went to the restroom, took dogs out to go potty, and ate/drank. If anyone called me on those days, I may not remember. That actually happened, I don't recall speaking to a friend that weekend over the phone.
day 7-10
started feeling a little better, a little more energy, slowed down on pain meds, still took naps.
day 11-current
more energy (usually 3-4 hours per day), less naps, still a little fuzzy in the head, memory is not the greatest, still no taste buds.
I cut my hair last saturday (Feb 21), I woke up that morning and my hair felt so thin and lifeless, so I decided to get it cut - real short. Those that have seem me think it looks real cute. I figured the next step (shaving my head) would not seem as drastic.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Chemotherapy Begins
Good morning all,
I awoke this morning at 5:30am; today, I begin chemotherapy today at 8:30am; Becca spent the night last night and will take me. When I awoke yesterday morning, I began to cry. In just a few hours I was had my appointment for my port placement. It finally hit me that I was really scared of the poisons that they would inject into my body. I prayed, and told God that I was scared and asked Him for help. I found prayer to be comforting. It was about 6:30 in the morning and I felt like I needed to call someone and let them know that I was scared, so Mark (ex-husband) was the lucky one to get the call. Fortunately for me, he was up.
The port was placed in my chest just under the skin and it will be used to administer chemotherapy.
My plan for chemotherapy this morning is to look at it as a tool to hopefully prevent reoccurence. I will use visual techniques to see it as such. I will visualize that the chemo agents are wild salmon and the cancer cells are flies. As the chemo agents are injected, I will think of them as salmon searching to gobble up the flies. I can envision this for I studied wild salmon in graduate school - I know what they look like and I have seen them eat bugs. After visualization, I will listen to a meditation tape, sleep and bring a good book to read. Must get ready to go...wish me luck and please keep the prayers coming. I would like to request that you pray for my family too. I know this is difficult for them as well.
I awoke this morning at 5:30am; today, I begin chemotherapy today at 8:30am; Becca spent the night last night and will take me. When I awoke yesterday morning, I began to cry. In just a few hours I was had my appointment for my port placement. It finally hit me that I was really scared of the poisons that they would inject into my body. I prayed, and told God that I was scared and asked Him for help. I found prayer to be comforting. It was about 6:30 in the morning and I felt like I needed to call someone and let them know that I was scared, so Mark (ex-husband) was the lucky one to get the call. Fortunately for me, he was up.
The port was placed in my chest just under the skin and it will be used to administer chemotherapy.
My plan for chemotherapy this morning is to look at it as a tool to hopefully prevent reoccurence. I will use visual techniques to see it as such. I will visualize that the chemo agents are wild salmon and the cancer cells are flies. As the chemo agents are injected, I will think of them as salmon searching to gobble up the flies. I can envision this for I studied wild salmon in graduate school - I know what they look like and I have seen them eat bugs. After visualization, I will listen to a meditation tape, sleep and bring a good book to read. Must get ready to go...wish me luck and please keep the prayers coming. I would like to request that you pray for my family too. I know this is difficult for them as well.
Cabin Experience
Yes, I have returned from the cabin - although reluctently. My friend Janelle and I stayed 7 glorious nights. If I didn't have the cabin rented for the weekend, I might still be there. The road trip to the cabin proved to be very healing for me. With that being said, in the coming months, I will make many trips to Packwood (located at the base of Mt. Rainer).
I took a stroll to the river almost every day while I was there. The Cowlitz River is only two tenths (.2) of a mile from the front door of Wild Salmon Retreat (the name I've given my cabin), so the walk was a perfect distance for me. One morning, after I awoke, I found myself being drawn to the river, it was earlier than I would normally go, but I listened to this voice within, got dressed and walked to the river. As I approached the river bank, I saw elk scurring out of the woods and onto the river bed. They were on the opposite side of the river, but they crossed the river bed and were now on my side of the river - about 500ft away from me . There must have been 20-30 elk; the elk stopped and grazed on the fallen trees in the river. I perched myself on a rock beside Lake Creek (small tributary/creek) of the Cowlitz river) and just watched them. I took pictures too. They are beautiful creatures. I closed my eyes, took in the fresh air and the sounds of water flowing from Lake Creek. It suddenly felt as though the river was flowing through me. I envisioned that it was flowing through me and cleansing my body - the water into my mouth and out the soles of my feet. When I finally opened my eyes, somewhat suprised of this experience, I suddenly felt and saw life all around me - the trees, plants, river, rocks, eagles and other avian friends, and the elk. This sensation gave me great peace and comfort. While I may not have felt the nearness of the Great Spirit (God, or the Creator if you prefer), I certainly felt the spirit of nature. Just as chemotherapy, acupuncture, and herbs will be a part of my physical and physiological healing, nature will be equally important to my spiritual, emotional and mental healing.
Thanks to Janelle, known as woman who makes fire, we had a fire every night. It was wonderful to sit on the couch in front of the woodstove to nap, read or converse. Foxina and Guizmo loved to sleep and they did a lot of it. If I slept, they slept. It must have been the clean fresh air that made them tired.
I took a stroll to the river almost every day while I was there. The Cowlitz River is only two tenths (.2) of a mile from the front door of Wild Salmon Retreat (the name I've given my cabin), so the walk was a perfect distance for me. One morning, after I awoke, I found myself being drawn to the river, it was earlier than I would normally go, but I listened to this voice within, got dressed and walked to the river. As I approached the river bank, I saw elk scurring out of the woods and onto the river bed. They were on the opposite side of the river, but they crossed the river bed and were now on my side of the river - about 500ft away from me . There must have been 20-30 elk; the elk stopped and grazed on the fallen trees in the river. I perched myself on a rock beside Lake Creek (small tributary/creek) of the Cowlitz river) and just watched them. I took pictures too. They are beautiful creatures. I closed my eyes, took in the fresh air and the sounds of water flowing from Lake Creek. It suddenly felt as though the river was flowing through me. I envisioned that it was flowing through me and cleansing my body - the water into my mouth and out the soles of my feet. When I finally opened my eyes, somewhat suprised of this experience, I suddenly felt and saw life all around me - the trees, plants, river, rocks, eagles and other avian friends, and the elk. This sensation gave me great peace and comfort. While I may not have felt the nearness of the Great Spirit (God, or the Creator if you prefer), I certainly felt the spirit of nature. Just as chemotherapy, acupuncture, and herbs will be a part of my physical and physiological healing, nature will be equally important to my spiritual, emotional and mental healing.
Thanks to Janelle, known as woman who makes fire, we had a fire every night. It was wonderful to sit on the couch in front of the woodstove to nap, read or converse. Foxina and Guizmo loved to sleep and they did a lot of it. If I slept, they slept. It must have been the clean fresh air that made them tired.
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